¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çý
2023-07-28 2922

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.
Of course, each person has a different desire to think importantly, but I think the most representative needs such as sleep and appetite make a happy and enjoyable day.
Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, makes others understand, and makes me feel a good morning.
But I don't think it's good to satisfy too many needs because it makes me lazy.
In the end, desire is the role of spending today happily and generously, and I think falling into the comfort of that moment is an act that ruins me.
In other words, I don't think it's a waste of time if you don't sleep too much.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Da Hye,

Thank you for your fantastic homework! Your ideas about the importance of sleep and balancing our needs were great. I liked how you explained how sleep helps you feel good and calms your nerves. Your thoughts on not satisfying too many needs to avoid laziness were smart. Keep up the excellent work and keep sharing your wonderful ideas!

~Teacher Cathy


I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.

>>CORRECT

OR>> I believe sleep is essential for humans.
Of course, each person has a different desire to think importantly, but I think the most representative needs such as sleep and appetite make a happy and enjoyable day.

>>Of course, each person has different desires, but I believe that the most essential needs, like sleep and appetite, lead to a happy and enjoyable day.  

Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, makes others understand, and makes me feel a good morning.

>>Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, helps others understand me, and makes me feel refreshed in the morning.
But I don't think it's good to satisfy too many needs because it makes me lazy.

>>CORRECT

OR>>However, I feel that satisfying too many needs may lead to laziness, so it's better to avoid it.
In the end, desire is the role of spending today happily and generously, and I think falling into the comfort of that moment is an act that ruins me.

>> In the end, desire plays a role in spending today happily and generously, but I believe indulging in the comfort of the moment can be harmful to me.
In other words, I don't think it's a waste of time if you don't sleep too much.

>>CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126612 Should children have curfew? Why or why not? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 798
126611 homework 03.16 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 434
126610 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 743
126609 Laugh ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 1
126608 Homework ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 2
126607 lie ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 523
126606 Home work Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 537
126605 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 811
126604 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 7
126603 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 2
126602 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 922
126601 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 2
126600 Hw ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 1
126599 What are the best features of China? Share your answer in a few... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 1
126598 Where is your favorite place you\'ve ever been? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 1206
126597 where do you see yourself in 5 years?/ what is your philosophy... ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 3
126596 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 2
126595 Come to visit Jeon-ju! ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 3
126594 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 0
126593 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-16 507

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04