¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

7/27 wiriting task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-07-28 763

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: What is your opinion about the rising number of crimes in South Korea?
A:
Crimes get more increase in these days and it happens to unspecified individuals. It means I can also be a target of crime. So I feel scary.
One of the reason why rising number of crimes is people getting crazy.
We are not interested in each other, Some people think big problems if they go behind, Society that indiviualism being maximized. These are make people crazy.
And we need to strengthen the law. I really really want. We have to be a more strict to criminal then we expect reducing the number of crimes.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you so much for sharing your opinion with me, Rachel!  I can tell you're quite passionate about making the punishments more strict, and you have all the right to feel that way because as you mentioned, you could also be a target of crime.  Let's hope that the government doesn't take these situations lightly, and instead, serve the country accordingly by protecting the citizens.  Great job with this essay, Rachel. You were able to share a lot of ideas with me. 
~T.Harmony <3

Crimes get more increase in these days and it happens to unspecified individuals. 
>> Crimes are increasing these days, and they happen to unspecified individuals.
OR>> Crimes are increasing these days, and unspecified individuals are being victimized.

It means I can also be a target of crime. 
>> CORRECT!

So I feel scary.
>> So I feel scared.

One of the reason why rising number of crimes is people getting crazy.
>> One of the reasons behind the rising number of crimes is that people are becoming crazy.

We are not interested in each other, Some people think big problems if they go behind, Society that indiviualism being maximized. 
>> ..., some people think that individualism is being maximized in our society if they hide behind big problems.

These are make people crazy.
>> These make people crazy.

And we need to strengthen the law. 
>> CORRECT!

I really really want. 
>> CORRECT!

We have to be a more strict to criminal then we expect reducing the number of crimes
>> We have to be more strict to criminals in order for us to reduce the number of crimes. 
(Good use of the word "reduce"! ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129398 why is English fluency significant for you? ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 2889
129397 What is the best age to have a baby? Why? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1470
129396 The best food for summer season in my country ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 2045
129395 How important is it for you to track your financial progress? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1
129394 What actions are friendly? ¾È*½Ò ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1451
129393 Do you think it\'s interesting to live in Incheon? Why? °­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1063
129392 Home work ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1089
129391 What are some ways you strive to make a positive impact on the... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1
129390 What kinds of possible causes for having a vice? ¹®*¿í ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 2799
129389 What is your favorite part of weddings? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1676
129388 HOMRWORK ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-09 1
129387 What did you enjoy doing as a child? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 1233
129386 sleepwalking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 0
129385 Homework 7/3 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 1
129384 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129383 Why do some cultures mourn death and others celebrate it? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2
129382 james Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1134
129381 homework ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1089
129380 What do you do or eat you feel sleepy when studying? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1684
129379 Korean coffee shops ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1138

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04