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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is gender divide? Do you agree that providing parking spaces designated for women only promotes

작성자: 황*하
2023-07-21 2711

회원님의 영작문

Gender divide describes the disparity between men and women in society including inequaliy of opportunity, pay and promotion at work. Confucianism has influenced gender roles more than any other factor in Korean society. Traditionally, women’s roles were limited to household matters, and young girls were taught to prepare for their future roles as wife and mother. However, women achieved constitutional rights for equal opportunities to gain access to public education and to work outside the home since 1970s. The traditional roles of women have been fading gradually. Designated parking spaces for women is one of the achievement from women's organization although, it has implemented by Seoul mayor. I think that most men who have a partner strongly support to movement of women's right but Korea has encountered low fetility rate that cause conflicts between married people and single. Singles feel like that they don't get any supports from the government and they are asked to pay more tax t

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Sir Hwang. 

Gender divide describes the disparity between men and women in society including inequality of opportunity, pay and promotion at work. 
>>>  correct 
Confucianism has influenced gender roles more than any other factor in Korean society. 
>>>  correct 
Traditionally, women’s roles were limited to household matters, and young girls were taught to prepare for their future roles as wife and mother. 
>>>  Traditionally, women’s roles were limited to household matters, and young girls were taught to prepare for their future roles as a wife and a mother.  
>>> OR:  Traditionally, women’s roles were limited to household matters, and young girls were taught to prepare for their future roles as wives and mothers.  
However, women achieved constitutional rights for equal opportunities to gain access to public education and to work outside the home since 1970s. 
>>>   correct 
The traditional roles of women have been fading gradually. 
>>>   correct 
Designated parking spaces for women is one of the achievement from women's organization although, it has implemented by Seoul mayor. 
>>> Designated parking spaces for women is one of the achievements by the women's organization although, it has been implemented by the Seoul mayor.   
I think that most men who have a partner strongly support to movement of women's right but Korea has encountered low fetility rate that cause conflicts between married people and single. 
>>> I think that most men who have a partner strongly support the movement of women's right but Korea has encountered low fertility rate that caused conflicts between married peoples and single people.   
Singles feel like that they don't get any supports from the government and they are asked to pay more tax
>>> Singles feel like that they don't get any support from the government and they are asked to pay more taxes.  

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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