¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023.7.20 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*»è
2023-07-20 2800

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth. Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Isaac!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
>> CORRECT!
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. 
>> CORRECT!
So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. 
>> So army and many small companies are suffering from manpower shortage. 
OR >> So army and many small companies suffer from manpower shortage.
To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth.
>> CORRECT!
Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
>> Another solution is improving the view about marriage.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. 
>> Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marriage
Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
>> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
OR >> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of finance and efforts. 
So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.
>> So many young generation like me think that marriage is just choice, not a duty.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133000 Which game or sport are you best at? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-06 1
132999 What products I depend on ads ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-06 2450
132998 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-06 2960
132997 Art with humanity °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2
132996 homework1( Do you like meeting new people?) À±*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 4
132995 What are the advantages of living in close proximity to your... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2
132994 homework 12.05 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1938
132993 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 4
132992 English during trip to USA ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2082
132991 What is something that makes your family special? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2566
132990 common cosmetics for men in Korea ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2673
132989 unit 11. homework ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1554
132988 Closing a conversation ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1484
132987 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2554
132986 What comes to mind whenever you hear the word \'chance\'? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 3
132985 Homework ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2450
132984 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 4310
132983 What is you favorite side dish? ±Ç*¸ð ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2276
132982 What gives you more pleasure, lovely music, a delicious taste, a... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 3
132981 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Do you feel bad... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04