¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023.7.20 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*»è
2023-07-20 2855

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth. Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Isaac!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
>> CORRECT!
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. 
>> CORRECT!
So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. 
>> So army and many small companies are suffering from manpower shortage. 
OR >> So army and many small companies suffer from manpower shortage.
To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth.
>> CORRECT!
Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
>> Another solution is improving the view about marriage.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. 
>> Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marriage
Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
>> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
OR >> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of finance and efforts. 
So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.
>> So many young generation like me think that marriage is just choice, not a duty.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133866 What do you like shopping? Why? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-14 854
133865 What movie genres do you like the most? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-13 2113
133864 Homework : unit 20 ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-01-13 716
133863 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-13 1513
133862 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-13 1887
133861 What do you want to change in your life if you have the chance... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1436
133860 homework 01.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 956
133859 Homework °­*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1063
133858 Travel Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1551
133857 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1315
133856 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1877
133855 What is your country best known for? ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1405
133854 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1234
133853 The best thing of my school ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 0
133852 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 2
133851 What jobs do you think are dangerous? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1201
133850 Which other country\'s cuisine are you most curious to try? ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1
133849 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1558
133848 TGIF! do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 2260
133847 Have you ever felt like someone could read your mind? How did it... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04