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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Why do you think work conditions in the healthcare set-up should be regularly checked and improved?

작성자: 황*하
2023-07-20 2412

회원님의 영작문

Health condition of medical providers directly affect to the patient's care because healthcare workers deal with serious patients who need to intensive treatment and diagnososis. If doctors have bad condition during surgery, we are not able to expect better results. The research paper has been published about the impact to the patients according to the hospital workers condition. Patients can expect better results in the morning than the afternoon because doctors may have clear condition at morning time. Being aging society, there will be more patients but we don't have enough facilities to treat them. In addition, patients would like to get the best treatment in the famous hospitals. So, doctors don't have enough time to see patients. They can't answer what patients would like to know due to too many patients. Nurses are also have same problem. They are asked to care more than international standard because of our environmnt. Some workers found on dead due to the heavy workload.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Sir Hwang. I know how it is like in working in the hospital. It's really like going to war every single day.

Health condition of medical providers directly affect to the patient's care because healthcare workers deal with serious patients who need to intensive treatment and diagnososis. 
>>>   Health condition of medical providers directly affect to the patient's care because healthcare workers deal with serious patients who need intensive treatment and diagnosis. 
If doctors have bad condition during surgery, we are not able to expect better results. 
>>> correct  
The research paper has been published about the impact to the patients according to the hospital workers condition. 
>>> A research paper has been published about the impact of the hospital workers condition to the treatment and recovery of patients.   
Patients can expect better results in the morning than the afternoon because doctors may have clear condition at morning time. 
>>> correct    
Being aging society, there will be more patients but we don't have enough facilities to treat them. 
>>>  Being an aging society, there will be more patients but we don't have enough facilities to treat them.  
In addition, patients would like to get the best treatment in the famous hospitals. 
>>>   correct     
So, doctors don't have enough time to see patients. 
>>>  correct      
They can't answer what patients would like to know due to too many patients. 
>>>   correct     
Nurses are also have same problem. 
>>>  Nurses also have the same problem.
>>> OR: Nurses are not exempted to this.  
They are asked to care more than international standard because of our environment. 
>>>    correct     
>>> OR:  They are asked to provide care above the international standard because of our environment. 
Some workers found on dead due to the heavy workload.
>>>  Some workers were found dead due to the heavy workload. 
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