¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Jake\'s wirting homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*ÀÌ
2023-07-18 1788

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it. Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. Ex: No pain No gain or Dream is not easy. Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Jake! This was a good start for your writing however, I'd like to inform you that IELTS Writing Task 2 requires 250 words!  Nevertheless, you should practice writing longer next time. Have a goodnight!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> I agree with the statement because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hardly. 
 Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Moreover, there are proverbs which are related to this. 
Ex: No pain No gain or Dreams are not easy.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> Many famous people always quote that they strived hard to get to their position. 
So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> So, we know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129503 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1373
129502 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 0
129501 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1286
129500 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 0
129499 HOMEWORK FOR 06/23 How important is it to wear a facemask when... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 6
129498 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 0
129497 What crimes do you think will increase in the future? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 0
129496 trend ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1
129495 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 0
129494 meet the new person. ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 2368
129493 What Korean food would you like recommend and why? ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1881
129492 How would you describe a perfect weekend? ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 3216
129491 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 2556
129490 The biggest choice in my life! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1752
129489 Home work ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 2029
129488 homework 07.13 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 1644
129487 Day2 ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-13 2
129486 How important do you think food is when traveling? Do you think... ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2514
129485 What\'s your thought on this new business called the streaming... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2
129484 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04