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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

What is the purpose of the matchmaking events organized by local governments?

작성자: 황*하
2023-07-16 2348

회원님의 영작문

Aging and low fertility rate is really serious social problem in Korea. Korea is ranked first on the low birth rate in the world. Couples don't want to have babies because of the financial burden, child care after giving birth and their different sense of value about their life compare to older generation. In addition, many people don't want to get married because they don't want to be bothered from anybody at home. They would like to do anything without any interference. Most of young people would like to have better work-life balance regardless of salary. It would be ok for them to maintain their life with small salary because they are not going to have their partner. I can understand why young people give up having babies, partners and houses in my country because living expenses here is too high and it is almost impossible to buy their own house with only their salary. As I know, most university students have debt because of the expensive tuition fees. They are asked to pay it back

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Sir Hwang!

Aging and low fertility rate is really serious social problem in Korea. 
>>>   Aging and low fertility rate is really a serious social problem in Korea. 
Korea is ranked first on the low birth rate in the world. 
>>>  correct 
Couples don't want to have babies because of the financial burden, child care after giving birth and their different sense of value about their life compare to older generation. 
>>> Couples don't want to have babies because of the financial burden, child care after giving birth and their different sense of value about their life compared to the older generation.   
In addition, many people don't want to get married because they don't want to be bothered from anybody at home. 
>>>  In addition, many people don't want to get married because they don't want to be bothered by anybody at home.  
They would like to do anything without any interference. 
>>>   correct   
Most of young people would like to have better work-life balance regardless of salary. 
>>>    correct  
It would be ok for them to maintain their life with small salary because they are not going to have their partner. 
>>>     correct 
I can understand why young people give up having babies, partners and houses in my country because living expenses here is too high and it is almost impossible to buy their own house with only their salary. 
>>>    correct  
As I know, most university students have debt because of the expensive tuition fees. 
>>>    correct   
They are asked to pay it back
>>>     correct 

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