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영작교정 게시판

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How can daily life support services positively impact the well-being of those in need?

작성자: 황*하
2023-07-13 3317

회원님의 영작문

I thought those services is free of charge but people who need help have to pay annualy. Although, it is not big amount, it would be burden for them because they might not be available to have a job due to their financial problem, health condition and family matters. The new measure to expand care services to include young people and middle aged people will be helpful a lot. However, if the government provide free service, it would be much better. The buget is maybe the first thing which public servernts consider and they might encounter various difficulties because each people has different problem, so it is almost imposible to help people with same standard. It can also be contraversial due to the people who are not eligible to get those services. It always makes conflicts between people who get services or not. Politicians have to create cut-off line even though, it create conflicts or complains from their citizens. Korean has became an advanced country recently but our well fare sy

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Sir Hwang. :)

I thought those services is free of charge but people who need help have to pay annualy. 
>>> I thought those services are free of charge but people who need help have to pay annually. 
Although, it is not big amount, it would be burden for them because they might not be available to have a job due to their financial problem, health condition and family matters. 
>>> Although it is not a big amount, it would be a burden for them because they might not be able to have a job due to their financial problem, health condition and family matters. 
The new measure to expand care services to include young people and middle aged people will be helpful a lot. 
>>> correct
However, if the government provides free service, it would be much better. 
>>> correct
The buget is maybe the first thing which public servernts consider and they might encounter various difficulties because each people has different problem, so it is almost imposible to help people with same standard. 
>>> The budget is maybe the first thing which public servants consider and they might encounter various difficulties because each person has a different problem, so it is almost impossible to help people with the same standard. 
It can also be controversial due to the people who are not eligible to get those services. 
>>> correct
It always makes conflicts between people who get services or not. 
>>> correct
Politicians have to create cut-off line even though, it create conflicts or complains from their citizens. 
>>> Even though politicians have to create a cut-off line, it creates conflicts or complains from their citizens. 
Korean has became an advanced country recently but our well fare system...
>>> (it seems the sentences is incomplete)
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