¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The most beautiful place in my city

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¸²
2023-07-10 1942

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my home. I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays lots of places in Korea has bad air because of the transportation and air pollution. However, the mountain behind my home has lots of trees and also a stream so the air is really clean and it smells like the rural area. Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a kind of a roe deer lives there. Yesterday when I was sleeping, I heard some sound that sounds like the woman screaming. I was really surprised but my mom told me that it¡¯s a deer. Other day when I was coming home by rivers I saw a deer drinking water at there. It was really surprising but that was a quite great experience that I see the deer near my home not at the zoo. Also, I had atopy since I was little, but after I moved here it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Hi, Emily! Thank you so much for answering your homework :)
I really appreciate it!
Keep it up :)


-Teacher Nikki ^^ 


The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my home. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my house. 
I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays lots of places in Korea has bad air because of the transportation and air pollution. 
>> I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays there are lots of places in Korea that have bad air because of transportation and air pollution. 
However, the mountain behind my home has lots of trees and also a stream so the air is really clean and it smells like the rural area.
>> CORRECT!
Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a kind of a roe deer lives there. 
>> Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I can wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a roe deer lives there. 
Yesterday when I was sleeping, I heard some sound that sounds like the woman screaming.
>> Yesterday, when I was sleeping, I heard a sound that sounds like a woman screaming.
I was really surprised but my mom told me that it¡¯s a deer. 
>> I was really surprised but my mom told me that it was a deer.
Other day when I was coming home by rivers I saw a deer drinking water at there.
>> The other day, when I was on my way home, I saw a deer drinking some water by the rivers.
It was really surprising but that was a quite great experience that I see the deer near my home not at the zoo.
>> It was really surprising and it was quite a great experience that I saw a deer near my place and not at the zoo.
Also, I had atopy since I was little, but after I moved here it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.
>> Lastly, I had some allergies since I was little, but after I moved here, it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126811 The habit ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 437
126810 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 520
126809 3/22nd homework. ¼®*°á ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 3
126808 i know for sure what to fix now À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 666
126807 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 592
126806 homework 03.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 576
126805 English lesson À±*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 473
126804 unit 13. homework °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 1408
126803 What kind of unique diet have you heard of? (ex: Seafood diet,... õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 1
126802 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 492
126801 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 815
126800 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 629
126799 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 0
126798 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 487
126797 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 2
126796 What are the common reasons that you fail to include some... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 1
126795 i\'m gone to the Restaurant À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 1675
126794 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 462
126793 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 2
126792 Would you trust a counselor with your secret, especially about... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-22 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04