¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The most beautiful place in my city

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¸²
2023-07-10 1771

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my home. I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays lots of places in Korea has bad air because of the transportation and air pollution. However, the mountain behind my home has lots of trees and also a stream so the air is really clean and it smells like the rural area. Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a kind of a roe deer lives there. Yesterday when I was sleeping, I heard some sound that sounds like the woman screaming. I was really surprised but my mom told me that it¡¯s a deer. Other day when I was coming home by rivers I saw a deer drinking water at there. It was really surprising but that was a quite great experience that I see the deer near my home not at the zoo. Also, I had atopy since I was little, but after I moved here it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Hi, Emily! Thank you so much for answering your homework :)
I really appreciate it!
Keep it up :)


-Teacher Nikki ^^ 


The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my home. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The most beautiful place in my city is the mountain behind my house. 
I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays lots of places in Korea has bad air because of the transportation and air pollution. 
>> I think this is the most beautiful place because nowadays there are lots of places in Korea that have bad air because of transportation and air pollution. 
However, the mountain behind my home has lots of trees and also a stream so the air is really clean and it smells like the rural area.
>> CORRECT!
Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a kind of a roe deer lives there. 
>> Also, there are lots of animals living there. Sometimes, I can wake up due to the sound of the birds. Also, a roe deer lives there. 
Yesterday when I was sleeping, I heard some sound that sounds like the woman screaming.
>> Yesterday, when I was sleeping, I heard a sound that sounds like a woman screaming.
I was really surprised but my mom told me that it¡¯s a deer. 
>> I was really surprised but my mom told me that it was a deer.
Other day when I was coming home by rivers I saw a deer drinking water at there.
>> The other day, when I was on my way home, I saw a deer drinking some water by the rivers.
It was really surprising but that was a quite great experience that I see the deer near my home not at the zoo.
>> It was really surprising and it was quite a great experience that I saw a deer near my place and not at the zoo.
Also, I had atopy since I was little, but after I moved here it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.
>> Lastly, I had some allergies since I was little, but after I moved here, it get better. So for these reasons, the mountain behind my home is the most beautiful place in my city.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128177 Who is the person you would like to be stranded with on a... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 916
128176 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 0
128175 What does ¡°inner beauty¡± mean to you? Do you consider... ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 741
128174 I think the people\'s born in the world have seen intelligence... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 676
128173 What are some possible compromises that can be made between... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 823
128172 Gardening ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 878
128171 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 750
128170 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1
128169 10.May.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 2
128168 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 662
128167 What kind of business would you like to put up and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1
128166 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 2
128165 homework 05.11 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 606
128164 Homework ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 1
128163 What was the best gift that you received on your birthday? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 981
128162 The most enviable thing about rich people is they can make a lot... ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 2
128161 When was the last time you had difficulty beating your deadline?... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 1
128160 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 536
128159 An animal that I want to be ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 560
128158 If you could change any one of your physical characteristics,... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 799

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04