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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Does your hobby interfere with your work/study/personal life? Please explain your answer.

작성자: 안*쌀
2023-07-04 1797

회원님의 영작문

Yes, it does. My hobby influences my work and personal life. For example, I am a music band member at my church, playing the electronic keyboard and organizing coffee chats for harmony among my band members. This experience made me understand what teamwork is. We all members are different regarding artistic temperature and characteristics. In order to make harmony in the band, I first try to talk about our shared vision related to our music, and then I listen to other members' stories and thoughts to find out their strengths and weaknesses. These processes helped my team make one team by knowing each other deeply. Thus, at my work, I am also in charge of a bridge between team members or team members and our boss. I am used to doing that role because of my experiences participating in the music band. Meanwhile, these experiences allowed me to accept diverse people in my life, making a friend more easily and comfortably. Thus, I think my hobby interferes with several parts of my life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for your effort to answer the question genuinely, Shine. May you continue to develop productive hobbies.
-Faith-
Yes, it does. 
>> CORRECT
My hobby influences my work and personal life. 
>> CORRECT
For example, I am a music band member at my church, playing the electronic keyboard and organizing coffee chats for harmony among my band members. 
>> For example, I am a music band member at my church, so I play the electronic keyboard and organize coffee chats for harmony among my band members. 
This experience made me understand what teamwork is. 
>> CORRECT
We all members are different regarding artistic temperature and characteristics. 
>> We, all members, are different regarding artistic temperaments and characteristics. 
In order to make harmony in the band, I first try to talk about our shared vision related to our music, and then I listen to other members' stories and thoughts to find out their strengths and weaknesses. 
>> CORRECT
These processes helped my team make one team by knowing each other deeply. 
>> These processes helped us make one team by knowing each other deeply. 
Thus, at my work, I am also in charge of a bridge between team members or team members and our boss. 
>> Thus, at my work, I am also in charge and play as a bridge among the team members or between the team members and our boss. 
I am used to doing that role because of my experiences participating in the music band. 
>> CORRECT
Meanwhile, these experiences allowed me to accept diverse people in my life, making a friend more easily and comfortably. 
>> CORRECT
Thus, I think my hobby interferes with several parts of my life.
>> CORRECT
OR Hence, my hobby intervenes with my life immensely.

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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