¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 07.04

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-07-04 2301

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?

Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?


Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
>> Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world, and you can check it on your smartphone, or even in your computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
>> I was once addicted to social media, I only looked at my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
>> But, social media platforms have a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
>> It is usually to increase followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
>> They upload videos like dangerous acts or a nuisance.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
>> On the other hand, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they write mean comments (bad comments) against other people.
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
>> That's why so many people suffer from it.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
>> Lastly, celebrities' privacy could also be affected, leaving them in danger.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
>> CORRECT!
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
>> And then later, he was suddenly attacked by robbers.
OR >> Later on, a robbery happened in his place.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.
>> That's why there are many people leaving the social media world.
OR >> That's the reason why there are many people who take a social media break.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126298 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 460
126297 How do you act when you are happy? Do you like being around... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 492
126296 homework ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 409
126295 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: DIRECTION: Choose the most suitable adverb... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 1
126294 Homework ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 1
126293 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 0
126292 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 349
126291 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 439
126290 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 356
126289 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 1
126288 3.6/3.7 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 457
126287 I prefer... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 1
126286 Do you enjoy meeting new people? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 535
126285 How do you manage tasks and timelines with different levels of... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 602
126284 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 732
126283 How to greet when today is my mom¡¯s birthday ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 1
126282 homework ¼Õ*±Ù ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 429
126281 homework ¼Õ*±Ù ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 672
126280 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 603
126279 3 things that makes me happy. ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-07 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04