¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 07.04

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-07-04 2046

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?

Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?


Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
>> Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world, and you can check it on your smartphone, or even in your computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
>> I was once addicted to social media, I only looked at my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
>> But, social media platforms have a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
>> It is usually to increase followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
>> They upload videos like dangerous acts or a nuisance.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
>> On the other hand, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they write mean comments (bad comments) against other people.
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
>> That's why so many people suffer from it.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
>> Lastly, celebrities' privacy could also be affected, leaving them in danger.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
>> CORRECT!
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
>> And then later, he was suddenly attacked by robbers.
OR >> Later on, a robbery happened in his place.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.
>> That's why there are many people leaving the social media world.
OR >> That's the reason why there are many people who take a social media break.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128204 5/12 Homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0
128203 Why do you think so many countries are eager to learn English? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1048
128202 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1164
128201 What makes me happy? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 946
128200 Money is a just one of many reason for the evil. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1
128199 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1350
128198 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1355
128197 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1100
128196 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1865
128195 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1156
128194 Why do we express appreciation? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 1
128193 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-14 896
128192 What things do you love to do on weekends? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 949
128191 Have you ever been to a family reunion? How was it? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 917
128190 Are gender roles changing in your country? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128189 Are we all born with the same level of intelligence? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128188 What do the clothes someone wears say about that person? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128187 Do you think that teachers should have a higher pay than... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128186 homework 5/10 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 3
128185 homework 05.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 909

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04