¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 07.04

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-07-04 2255

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?

Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the dangers of using social media platforms?


Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world,
it's can check it on smartphone, computer.
>> Through to the social media platforms, I see news from my region to all over the world, and you can check it on your smartphone, or even in your computer.
I was once addicted to social media, I looked only my smartphone all day.
>> I was once addicted to social media, I only looked at my smartphone all day.
But, social media platforms has a lot of problems.
>> But, social media platforms have a lot of problems.
Often unusual people, to increase of followers on their social media.
>> It is usually to increase followers on their social media.
they are upload videos like a dangerous behavior or nuisance behavior.
>> They upload videos like dangerous acts or a nuisance.
The next, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they are write mean comment(bad comments).
>> On the other hand, there are so many people using anonymity on the internet, they write mean comments (bad comments) against other people.
That's why so many people feeling suffer.
>> That's why so many people suffer from it.
lastly, celebrities'privicy activities are also dangerous.
>> Lastly, celebrities' privacy could also be affected, leaving them in danger.
One anecdote, the girlfriend of a musician uploaded his location on Instagram.
>> CORRECT!
And than later, he was suddenly attacked by robbery.
>> And then later, he was suddenly attacked by robbers.
OR >> Later on, a robbery happened in his place.
That's why there many people's leave the social media.
>> That's why there are many people leaving the social media world.
OR >> That's the reason why there are many people who take a social media break.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132718 What would you feel if one of your colleagues talked bad about... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1933
132717 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1
132716 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 0
132715 Are you ambitious enough to achieve the goals you set? ½Å*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1334
132714 What is it about junk food that is so bad for us? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 4
132713 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 0
132712 Can you tell me about positive economic effect of tourism? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1
132711 What is the advantages of working in the hotel industries? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1975
132710 how to cancel my appointment ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1455
132709 Making me laugh ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1991
132708 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1
132707 homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1
132706 homework 11.23 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1665
132705 Weekend ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2
132704 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1
132703 Where is your favorite place in the world? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1560
132702 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2187
132701 Describe your dream house in not less than 3 sentences. ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1952
132700 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2694
132699 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1667

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04