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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What are other major issues that you can observe in New York?

작성자: 박*경
2023-07-03 2419

회원님의 영작문

Well, from my perspective, there are some issues to point out in New York.
First of all, they need to resolve about refugees who came from South America such as Brazil, Mexico and so on. Because they have no ability to live here, subsidies from local council is necessary. But some citizens have complaints about that. I heard that there was a vote among the citizens in this connection a couple weeks ago. Apart from that, in preparation for the forthcoming election, there are a lot of polities differently between conservative party and democratic party such as issue of free subsidies for low income people and regulation of being free and so on. However, I also think that like your opinion, as sexual identity would lead to their social status in their whole life, they might claim to concentrate of being free .

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there, Jane!

Every country in the world may have a little struggle among it's people. Issues arising from politics, religion, and many other ideologies of gender, race, culture, among many others polarize people. It may be crucial to choose a side in many occasions to voice out our rights in a democratic government. 

As you now live in a more diverse and dynamic society, your thoughts may sometimes be put into test. By then, you may need to take your side and assert your logical reasons for supporting it.

Congratulations to your correct sentences! They are long, meaningful, and also used very good transition words as well as various sentence patterns. Please study the underscored parts and analyze the patterns. 

Thank you for your time and diligence in answering the homework. See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, from my perspective, there are some issues to point out in New York.
>> Correct!

First of all, they need to resolve about refugees who came from South America such as Brazil, Mexico and so on. 
>>  First of all, they need to resolve about the issues on refugees who came from South America such as Brazil, Mexico and so on. 

Because they have no ability to live here, subsidies from local council is necessary.
>> Correct! 

But some citizens have complaints about that. 
>> Correct!

I heard that there was a vote among the citizens in this connection a couple weeks ago. 
>> I heard that there was a vote among the citizens in this connection a couple of weeks ago. 

Apart from that, in preparation for the forthcoming election, there are a lot of polities differently between conservative party and democratic party such as issue of free subsidies for low income people and regulation of being free and so on. 
>> Apart from that, in preparation for the forthcoming elections, there are a lot of politics differently between the conservative party and the democratic party such as issues of free subsidies for low income people and regulation of being free and so on. 

However, I also think that like your opinion, as sexual identity would lead to their social status in their whole life, they might claim to concentrate of being free .
>> Correct!

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