무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you agree that religious leaders should maintain celibacy? Why or why not?

작성자: 문*현
2023-06-28 1998

회원님의 영작문

Original Christians believed that in the new world, all would be like angels, so there would be no marriage. I believe the purpose of celibacy for most religions is to ensure the leaders follow the example of God and examples to followers. However, I believe no married life would exemplify perfect life. If religious leaders can marry and have a family, they can provide more diversified advice to followers. I have never sought religious advice before but when I see it in the movie, it always gives advice based on the Bible which can be unrealistic for modern life. Religious leaders only can give advice because it is all they see and hear. However, the interpretation of religious sayings can be varied from person to person so it cannot be straightforwardly accepted. If priests can have a family and engage deeper in normal life, I believe they can provide realistic advice. They should not have disorderly life but the religious leader should not be obligated to maintain celibacy.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel. Point well taken. In the Catholic religion, celibacy for priests is a must. I think it's because they have to devote their entire being and life to serving God and the followers alone. And you're right, they also have to follow God's example. That is the reason they refer to it as a "calling", because not all humans can live their whole life following the footsteps of God/Jesus.

Original Christians believed that in the new world, all would be like angels, so there would be no marriage. 
>>> correct  
I believe the purpose of celibacy for most religions is to ensure the leaders follow the example of God and examples to followers. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: I believe the purpose of celibacy for most religions is to ensure the leaders follow the example of God and be an example to followers. 
However, I believe no married life would exemplify perfect life. 
>>> However, I believe a no-marriage life would exemplify a perfect life. 
If religious leaders can marry and have a family, they can provide more diversified advice to followers. 
>>> correct
I have never sought religious advice before but when I see it in the movie, it always gives advice based on the Bible which can be unrealistic for modern life. 
>>> correct
Religious leaders only can give advice because it is all they see and hear. 
>>> correct
However, the interpretation of religious sayings can be varied from person to person so it cannot be straightforwardly accepted. 
>>> correct
If priests can have a family and engage deeper in normal life, I believe they can provide realistic advice.
>>> correct
They should not have disorderly life but the religious leader should not be obligated to maintain celibacy.
>>> They should not have a disorderly life but the religious leader should not be obligated to maintain celibacy.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
127868 What do you think of the meal times in different countries that... 김*민 완료 2023-04-28 4
127867 People nowadays are not as healthy as they were in the past.... 앨* 완료 2023-04-28 0
127866 Homework 박*은 완료 2023-04-28 0
127865 Friday homework 류*우 완료 2023-04-28 719
127864 Who among your friends has a good chance of becoming more... 이*태 완료 2023-04-28 630
127863 Apr. 28 2023 박*경 완료 2023-04-28 558
127862 Home work 김*란 완료 2023-04-28 0
127861 4.28 homework 권*림 완료 2023-04-28 703
127860 What do you think is the best solution to the decreasing... 김*경 완료 2023-04-28 646
127859 How can individuals maintain social connections and prevent... 황*하 완료 2023-04-28 586
127858 Importance of gathering family 성*경 완료 2023-04-28 892
127857 Hobby 권*일 완료 2023-04-28 0
127856 27.Apr.2023 김*정 완료 2023-04-28 2
127855 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-04-28 740
127854 Homework 오*빈 완료 2023-04-28 0
127853 My opinion is \'yes\'. 이*웅 완료 2023-04-28 2
127852 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-04-27 501
127851 What do you think should be the legal age of consent (when... 김*민 완료 2023-04-27 5
127850 What was the best Christmas present you have received? 박*준 완료 2023-04-27 1
127849 Homework 하*림 완료 2023-04-27 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]