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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is your opinion about the rising number of young people taking time off without seeking jobs or

작성자: 문*현
2023-06-27 1682

회원님의 영작문

Considering Korea, I believe it is reasonable. Relative to other nations, Korea has a low unemployment rate of 4%. However, the social awareness of both employment and study is high. This advancement can be positive considering employment status and university entrance rate. However, this is also letting many young generations down. Unlike other countries, Korean regard good employment as entering big conglomerates and foreign-based companies. Social status, pay rate, and benefits are clearly divided between big-sized firms and mid to small-sized companies. Such awareness led many young individuals to put their efforts to enter those companies even though this can indicate unemployed for several years. Overcoming such misconceptions is challenging because this can go back to generation. In my case, my parents were proud of me for starting my career at Dow Jones because it is well-known company. Jobs are no longer the method of sustain owns life in Korea but something to brag about.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel. I do understand this phenomenon though. I mean, most Koreans put effort, money and time in high quality education. As a result, they also want to get back all those factors they have compromised or sacrificed. This means, getting a good paying job with good working condition.

Considering Korea, I believe it is reasonable. 
>>> correct
Relative to other nations, Korea has a low unemployment rate of 4%. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: Relative to other nations, Korea has a low unemployment rate at 4%. 
However, the social awareness of both employment and study is high. 
>>> However, the social awareness of both employment and studying is high. 
>>> OR: However, the social awareness of both employment and education is high. 
This advancement can be positive considering employment status and university entrance rate. 
>>>  correct
However, this is also letting many young generations down. 
>>> correct
Unlike other countries, Korean regard good employment as entering big conglomerates and foreign-based companies. 
>>>  correct
Social status, pay rate, and benefits are clearly divided between big-sized firms and mid to small-sized companies. 
>>>  correct
Such awareness led many young individuals to put their efforts to enter those companies even though this can indicate unemployed for several years. 
>>>  correct
Overcoming such misconceptions is challenging because this can go back to generation. 
>>>   correct
In my case, my parents were proud of me for starting my career at Dow Jones because it is well-known company. 
>>> In my case, my parents were proud of me for starting my career at Dow Jones because it is a well-known company. 
Jobs are no longer the method of sustain owns life in Korea but something to brag about.
>>> Jobs are no longer the method of sustaining one's own life in Korea but something to brag about.

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