¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.26

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-06-26 1711

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the benefits of collecting?


One of them benefits of collecting is pleasure.
It's feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
The reason why I collect shoes. It was value of the shoes.
At that time, it was not easy to collect limited edition shoes.
First way is waiting in front of the store a few hours or even days.
The reason why lining up is sell the shoes only a first come, first served.
Second way is apply a draw and win.
This ways is have a too many rival, so it's hard to win
Anyway, this ways I used to collected item.
These shoes have a high price.
But, these days it's less value and easier to get than before.
So, I lost interest. Namely, I feel lost benefits of collecting.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the benefits of collecting?



One of them benefits of collecting is pleasure.
>> CORRECT!
It's feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
>> It makes you feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
The reason why I collect shoes. It was value of the shoes.
>> The reason why I collected shoes was because of its value.
At that time, it was not easy to collect limited edition shoes.
>> CORRECT!
First way is waiting in front of the store a few hours or even days.
>> CORRECT!
The reason why lining up is sell the shoes only a first come, first served.
>> The reason why we have to line up is because they sell the shoes only on a "first come, first served" basis.
Second way is apply a draw and win.
>> Second way is to apply a raffle draw and win.
This ways is have a too many rival, so it's hard to win
>> In this way you would have so many rivals, so it's hard to win.
Anyway, this ways I used to collected item.
>>  Anyway, these are the ways I used to collected items.
These shoes have a high price.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> These shoes are actually expensive.
But, these days it's less value and easier to get than before.
>> But, these days, its value has decreased, and is easier to get than before.
So, I lost interest. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I lost interest because of it.
Namely, I feel lost benefits of collecting.
>>  I feel like there aren't any benefits of collecting anything these days.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133325 What kind of festival in Korea would you like to go to someday? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2048
133324 hotel ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1164
133323 What was the worst kind of fake news you ever read? Can you tell... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1197
133322 What will you do if you have a very noisy neighbor? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1691
133321 HOMEWORK FOR 12.19.2023 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2
133320 What is cyberbullying, and how does it affect the lives of... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 0
133319 1. Best place in my country 2. Special food ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1218
133318 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1293
133317 Are there any new activities or events you\'re hoping to... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 2049
133316 Why do we sometimes need to interact with our colleagues? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1926
133315 homework ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1056
133314 What would you do if you had an extra one to two hours in your... ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1353
133313 What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word \'chance\'? ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1664
133312 If you were given a chance what would you choose, to change... Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1439
133311 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1119
133310 Writing Task: What would you like to know about your friends... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133309 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133308 Imagine you have the opportunity to travel anywhere in the... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133307 Gift ÀÌ*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1132
133306 I want to change my face alike jenny ¼­*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1524

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04