¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of second job do you want to have?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2023-06-26 2601

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit. In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there again, Jane!

I agree with you. The primary reason most people get a second job in America is to earn extra income. Just avoid being burnt out and always find time for your family.

As you can see below on your sentences, attempting to create longer sentences is very good. It can test your ability to combine simple and complex sentences altogether. The disadvantage is committing probable mistakes but without trying, you won't be able to make longer ones in the future. Hence, the goal is to make long and correct sentences. 

Nevertheless, you had many correct sentences as well. I appreciate the extent of your details and discussions here on your answer. 

Read the comments and suggestion carefully then. Excellent composition!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
>> Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about the reality that I have to work harder than Korea.

In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. 
>> In the US, it is quite common to have a second job because, there are many companies that have limited time to work, so it would be possible to work more. 

It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit.
>>  Anyway, I want to get a second job from another dialysis unit.

In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. 
>> Correct!

Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 
>> Besides, I heard about a school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 

So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130926 How is going to a good university important in your country? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1225
130925 What is the advantage of multitasking? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1392
130924 How do you feel when you are alone? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1052
130923 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1141
130922 Are there any subjects or activities you¡¯re excited to explore... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 0
130921 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1946
130920 9/8 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1175
130919 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1963
130918 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2073
130917 what are your thoughts on teen celebrities promoting luxury... ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1736
130916 Homework °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1042
130915 Homewofrk ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1034
130914 How do you spend your time when you are on holiday and the... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1
130913 What measures should be done to maintain good relationship with... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 2
130912 What is your next dream country to visit? Why? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1
130911 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1
130910 Essay Homework È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1
130909 Three topics we should avoid °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-09-09 2
130908 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-09 2
130907 What image/idea do you have of people who study literature at... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-09 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04