¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-06-22 1312

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi, T.Donna.
How is your computer now?
Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
And now, we are very satisfied with that.
Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
So, resting is crucial.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Dr. Kim!

My computer will get by the assistance of our technician. So far, without our technician, I will never know what to do. I am so grateful for his kindness and helpfulness. Accordingly, the expected average desktop PC to last between three and eight years. Desktops tend to kick on longer than laptops due to the extra space inside the box. Maybe my computer is older than I expected. Nevertheless,  am grateful for the time we spent together with my computer. 

As you have detailed in class today, the new treatment which seems fun to operate can bring you higher profit. This is very good to know. Innovation is often necessary for companies to adapt and overcome the challenges of change. It fosters growth. Your patients and clients alike will always look forward to something new available in your clinic.

I totally agree that rest is an essential component of working well and working smart. Leisure time is crucial to our physical, mental, and emotional health.

As you can see below, you have made a lot of correct sentences. Hence, study the suggestions made in the other sentences to even level up your writing skill set. Great job!

See you next week!

-T. Donna~

Hi, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How is your computer now?
>> Correct!

Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
>> Correct!

Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
>> Hence, we determined that we should changed our computer and Internet to new ones.

And now, we are very satisfied with that.
>> Correct!

Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
>> Correct!

I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
>> Correct!

Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
>> Correct!
Or: clinic

Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
>> Correct!

However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
>> However, there was a good thing, in which we succeeded to start a new treatment today.

We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
>> Correct!

About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
>> Correct!
Or: About my assignment, leisure time for our age is very important.

At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
>> Correct!
Or: At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physical and the limitations of other possibilities.

But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
>> Correct!

So, resting is crucial.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128332 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1039
128331 tia ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1089
128330 My teaching style ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1178
128329 Answer : Choose one member from your family and describe him/her... Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 870
128328 Gossips, Rumors. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 845
128327 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1029
128326 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1008
128325 Which country will you repeatedly visit and the reason behind it? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 3
128324 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1292
128323 Homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 911
128322 lesson À±*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 909
128321 Home work Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 923
128320 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 947
128319 homework 05.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 904
128318 The Gyeongju World is excellent. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 3
128317 Does your family go to the theatre? What movies do you watch? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 0
128316 In three to five sentences (3-5), talk about your \"worst day.\" ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1258
128315 What activities or games do you play with your friends? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1067
128314 What do you think is an appropriate punishment for cyberbullying ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 890
128313 The country I want to visit ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1166

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04