¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-06-22 1964

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi, T.Donna.
How is your computer now?
Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
And now, we are very satisfied with that.
Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
So, resting is crucial.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Dr. Kim!

My computer will get by the assistance of our technician. So far, without our technician, I will never know what to do. I am so grateful for his kindness and helpfulness. Accordingly, the expected average desktop PC to last between three and eight years. Desktops tend to kick on longer than laptops due to the extra space inside the box. Maybe my computer is older than I expected. Nevertheless,  am grateful for the time we spent together with my computer. 

As you have detailed in class today, the new treatment which seems fun to operate can bring you higher profit. This is very good to know. Innovation is often necessary for companies to adapt and overcome the challenges of change. It fosters growth. Your patients and clients alike will always look forward to something new available in your clinic.

I totally agree that rest is an essential component of working well and working smart. Leisure time is crucial to our physical, mental, and emotional health.

As you can see below, you have made a lot of correct sentences. Hence, study the suggestions made in the other sentences to even level up your writing skill set. Great job!

See you next week!

-T. Donna~

Hi, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How is your computer now?
>> Correct!

Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
>> Correct!

Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
>> Hence, we determined that we should changed our computer and Internet to new ones.

And now, we are very satisfied with that.
>> Correct!

Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
>> Correct!

I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
>> Correct!

Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
>> Correct!
Or: clinic

Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
>> Correct!

However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
>> However, there was a good thing, in which we succeeded to start a new treatment today.

We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
>> Correct!

About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
>> Correct!
Or: About my assignment, leisure time for our age is very important.

At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
>> Correct!
Or: At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physical and the limitations of other possibilities.

But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
>> Correct!

So, resting is crucial.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122462 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1891
122461 Homework ³ë*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1923
122460 What do you think is the next popular language in the world? Why? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1518
122459 Which modifications to your nation\'s police force do you wish... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1894
122458 Homework ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1651
122457 What do you think will be the next biggest technological advance? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1
122456 co workers ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1991
122455 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1
122454 Which part of your appearance are you most proud of? I\'m told... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1
122453 ask age Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-20 1
122452 9/19 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 1706
122451 movie ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 2019
122450 What do you think of cosmetic surgery? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 2744
122449 9/19 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 1967
122448 09.19.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 2
122447 My favorite teacher (*^_^*) ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 1861
122446 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 1204
122445 What makes you different from everyone else? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 2108
122444 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 1351
122443 Oh no .. I knew this was today\'s hw page.. (Sep 19) ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-19 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04