¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-06-22 1954

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi, T.Donna.
How is your computer now?
Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
And now, we are very satisfied with that.
Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
So, resting is crucial.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Dr. Kim!

My computer will get by the assistance of our technician. So far, without our technician, I will never know what to do. I am so grateful for his kindness and helpfulness. Accordingly, the expected average desktop PC to last between three and eight years. Desktops tend to kick on longer than laptops due to the extra space inside the box. Maybe my computer is older than I expected. Nevertheless,  am grateful for the time we spent together with my computer. 

As you have detailed in class today, the new treatment which seems fun to operate can bring you higher profit. This is very good to know. Innovation is often necessary for companies to adapt and overcome the challenges of change. It fosters growth. Your patients and clients alike will always look forward to something new available in your clinic.

I totally agree that rest is an essential component of working well and working smart. Leisure time is crucial to our physical, mental, and emotional health.

As you can see below, you have made a lot of correct sentences. Hence, study the suggestions made in the other sentences to even level up your writing skill set. Great job!

See you next week!

-T. Donna~

Hi, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How is your computer now?
>> Correct!

Before I moved to our new building, there were many problems about computer and internet at the clinic.
>> Correct!

Hence, we determined that we changed our computer and internet to new ones.
>> Hence, we determined that we should changed our computer and Internet to new ones.

And now, we are very satisfied with that.
>> Correct!

Computer is not a permenant device, so that we should replace it to new one at least every five years, I think.
>> Correct!

I prefer a desktop to a laptop, because we can upgrade each component in a desktop.
>> Correct!

Anyway, there was nothing special at the clnic.
>> Correct!
Or: clinic

Unfortunately, the profit for today was not good.
>> Correct!

However, there was a good thing, which we succeeded to start new treatment today.
>> However, there was a good thing, in which we succeeded to start a new treatment today.

We can treat many patients with it, and consequently we can get more money.
>> Correct!

About my assignment, the leisure time for our age is very important.
>> Correct!
Or: About my assignment, leisure time for our age is very important.

At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physic and limitation of our possibility.
>> Correct!
Or: At our age, we basically have a depressed mood, because we feel our weakness of physical and the limitations of other possibilities.

But, we should work for ourselves and families continuously.
>> Correct!

So, resting is crucial.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122627 What is your favorite song? Please tell me its message. ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 2
122626 What is secondhand stress? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 2
122625 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 3752
122624 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 1
122623 What is the worst season in your country? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 1
122622 9/27 homewokr À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 1512
122621 Travel Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 0
122620 Once someone said \"When you forgive, you in no way change the... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 3
122619 Is it better to go to popular tourist destinations or lesser... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 2
122618 What are some things you should do for a job interview? How... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 1707
122617 test ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1227
122616 9/26 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1259
122615 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1880
122614 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 2
122613 How did you choose to buy your car? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 2
122612 Is competition good for people? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1834
122611 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1066
122610 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1869
122609 What happy memories do you have of your birthday parties? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1744
122608 Do you want to be a queen? Why or why not? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-09-26 1294

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04