¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6/20 Wiriting Task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-06-21 1097

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: Do you think it's right that animals are kept in zoos or not?
A:
I think it is not right! The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you very much for submitting your answer, Rachel!  It's nice to see your writing skills in English as well. I can understand the message you want to tell me, there are just some grammatical parts that we need to fix.  However, I still encourage you to continue writing answers for your homework, so you can also familiarize yourself and get used to writing in English.  This will be the perfect practice for you~ Well done! (^・¥ø・^ )
~T.Harmony <3

I think it is not right! 
>> CORRECT!
The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
>> The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is to provide joy to humans.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. 
>> ...,they don't touch anything that might cause weak animals to be attacked by a predator.
Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. 
>> Likewise, we should keep respecting animals as part of the ecosystem.
Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.
>> ...protecting endangered species...
(For this one, I just corrected your spelling of "endangered" ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126665 future education Áö*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-19 451
126664 Robot can replace human work? Áö*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-19 484
126663 Do reality television shows accurately depict real life? Why or... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-18 753
126662 Stay over ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-18 0
126661 Use these following words in a sentence ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-18 741
126660 Can the government do anything to improve people\'s health? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-18 544
126659 The most interesting weekend during my life time ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-03-18 2
126658 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 437
126657 What\'s the best way to make your friends loyal to you? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 3
126656 Homework ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 2
126655 unit 10. homework °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 388
126654 i like everything À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 366
126653 \"Curiosity killed the cat.\" What\'s your thought on this... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 3
126652 English lesson À±*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 428
126651 Homework 03.17 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 491
126650 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 368
126649 The wired collctions ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 389
126648 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126647 Do you think it is valid for the rental properties in the... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 666
126646 Do you think white lies are OK? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04