¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6/20 Wiriting Task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-06-21 997

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: Do you think it's right that animals are kept in zoos or not?
A:
I think it is not right! The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you very much for submitting your answer, Rachel!  It's nice to see your writing skills in English as well. I can understand the message you want to tell me, there are just some grammatical parts that we need to fix.  However, I still encourage you to continue writing answers for your homework, so you can also familiarize yourself and get used to writing in English.  This will be the perfect practice for you~ Well done! (^・¥ø・^ )
~T.Harmony <3

I think it is not right! 
>> CORRECT!
The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
>> The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is to provide joy to humans.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. 
>> ...,they don't touch anything that might cause weak animals to be attacked by a predator.
Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. 
>> Likewise, we should keep respecting animals as part of the ecosystem.
Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.
>> ...protecting endangered species...
(For this one, I just corrected your spelling of "endangered" ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128154 Do you want to help poor children? How? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 1
128153 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 0
128152 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 1
128151 Write down answer about \\\\The first impression\\\\ ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 6
128150 What places in your country would you recommend for foreign... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 849
128149 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 562
128148 Homeschooling ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 592
128147 \"The price of greatness is responsibility.\" ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 534
128146 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 734
128145 women ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 541
128144 Who are you closest to in your family? What kind of relationship... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 646
128143 What is the importance of television? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 4
128142 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 714
128141 We should know some knowledge of disease. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-11 1
128140 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 604
128139 What is good and bad about having feedbacks? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 1
128138 Homework ÇÏ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 1
128137 homework 05.10 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 550
128136 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 490
128135 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-10 506

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04