¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6/20 Wiriting Task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-06-21 993

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: Do you think it's right that animals are kept in zoos or not?
A:
I think it is not right! The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you very much for submitting your answer, Rachel!  It's nice to see your writing skills in English as well. I can understand the message you want to tell me, there are just some grammatical parts that we need to fix.  However, I still encourage you to continue writing answers for your homework, so you can also familiarize yourself and get used to writing in English.  This will be the perfect practice for you~ Well done! (^・¥ø・^ )
~T.Harmony <3

I think it is not right! 
>> CORRECT!
The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
>> The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is to provide joy to humans.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. 
>> ...,they don't touch anything that might cause weak animals to be attacked by a predator.
Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. 
>> Likewise, we should keep respecting animals as part of the ecosystem.
Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.
>> ...protecting endangered species...
(For this one, I just corrected your spelling of "endangered" ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128234 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128233 5/16 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1027
128232 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1281
128231 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128230 Should corporations have a higher or lower tax rate? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 3
128229 Should plastic be banned in Korea? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 953
128228 Homr work. ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 2
128227 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0
128226 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0
128225 What did you do last weekend? What will you do this weekend? Do... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1013
128224 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1251
128223 How would you help someone overcome his fears? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1130
128222 What springs to mind when you hear the word ¡®exercise¡¯? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1017
128221 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0
128220 What would you do if you started rushing because you thought you... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 765
128219 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0
128218 What musical insterment do you want to learn to play? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1534
128217 Do you agree with the expression ¡°children should be seen and... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 4
128216 homework 05.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1161
128215 I think they are not good polices. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 872

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04