¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-06-20 872

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. In other words, social media has used for even treat people. Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.

(Well, Ms. Harmony. I don't have any idea about this topic... I tried my best...!)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

What I like about this essay is that even if you did not tell me a lot, it remained informative and relevant to the topic at hand.  You made sure to elaborate as well in order to persuade your reader. Great job! See you in class tonight. 
~T.Harmony <3

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. 
>> CORRECT!
There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. 
>> CORRECT!
Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...will not immediately show positive results.
However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. 
>> CORRECT!
Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. 
>> Social media has become the best method...
In other words, social media has used for even treat people. 
>> ...has been used for treatment of people.
Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.
>> CORRECT!

( Thank you for still doing your best, Su A. (¡Ü'◡'¡Ü) )
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125732 Compare Seoul and Busan in terms of attractions. Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 757
125731 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 2
125730 What would life be like without weekends? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 589
125729 Improving my English skills ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 5
125728 15.Feb.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 1
125727 What do you want to eat this weekend? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 0
125726 One of my bucket lists ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 569
125725 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 1
125724 homework 02.16 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 532
125723 Is it okay for middle schoolers to have jobs like babysitting or... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 523
125722 2023-2/16 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 526
125721 Why are people so scared of death? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 561
125720 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 0
125719 Which one do you think is better, being rich or being beautiful?... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 516
125718 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 526
125717 Is there anything that annoys you about living in your country? ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 0
125716 Homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 779
125715 What are the pros and cons of being a celebrity? ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 1
125714 How important are first impressions to you? ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 1
125713 What kind of person do you think is the Yale professor who... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04