¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-06-20 337

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. In other words, social media has used for even treat people. Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.

(Well, Ms. Harmony. I don't have any idea about this topic... I tried my best...!)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

What I like about this essay is that even if you did not tell me a lot, it remained informative and relevant to the topic at hand.  You made sure to elaborate as well in order to persuade your reader. Great job! See you in class tonight. 
~T.Harmony <3

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. 
>> CORRECT!
There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. 
>> CORRECT!
Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...will not immediately show positive results.
However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. 
>> CORRECT!
Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. 
>> Social media has become the best method...
In other words, social media has used for even treat people. 
>> ...has been used for treatment of people.
Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.
>> CORRECT!

( Thank you for still doing your best, Su A. (¡Ü'◡'¡Ü) )
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129182 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2548
129181 homework 06.29 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1348
129180 HOMEWORK for 06/29 Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1259
129179 The most boring subject for me ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1805
129178 How many glasses of water do you drink every day? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1257
129177 What are the dangers of drinking instant coffee? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129176 admire person ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 4
129175 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 3003
129174 WRITING TASK: What would the world be like without music? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2
129173 Slim ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129172 6/29 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2161
129171 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1411
129170 Is keeping your ex-partner¡¯s contact information and... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2540
129169 Describe a person you admire. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1744
129168 What can you say about climate change? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129167 What is the most boring sbject for you? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1492
129166 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1528
129165 What\'s the best way to pass a job interview? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1328
129164 Writing Task 0628 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129163 If you were to call for a company meeting, how would you do it? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1327

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04