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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-06-18 628

회원님의 영작문

Good afternoon.
How was your weekend?
Since the profit for yesterday was bad, Dr. MJ and counselling managers were nervous all day.
Today's profit is not bad, nevertheless, Dr. MJ felt so bad.
That's because he wants that today's profit should compensate with yesterday's loss.
Meanwhile, I have an experience that I was absent from work.
When I worked in public health clinic, I drank a lot every night.
Because, workloading was relatively low for me and I was younger than now.
One day, I drank so much than usual.
Next day, I couldn't wake up, even couldn't received the call from the staff.
The staff tried to call me numerous times.
At that time, I was married, but my wife and I lived seperately, because we didn't have a child and she worked far away from me.
That's why the staff called my wife, and my wife called the guard of my house, and then the guard unlocked the door and waked me up directly.
So, I went to the workplace immediately, but I was too late, almost absent.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

My weekend was a total blast, thank you for asking. And yours? 

Pretty much, it seems that profit makes the world go round. After all, it is the obvious measurement of your work efficiency and effectivity. While it is true that patients with diseases derive less profit, it may be crucial to treat and serve everyone to the best you can. I wish you rocketing profit next week.

Meanwhile, absence from work means unauthorized absence from work place, late attendance or leaving the place of work early without permission either orally or in black and white. Bosses and employees alike inevitably commit an absence due to unforeseen or unfortunate events. It seems that drinking has been one of your favorite past time ever since. Now, you just drink at home and nothing like the experience you gave has to happen. ^^ It is amazing that you still went to work in spite of all what had happened.

I was absent when I gave birth, when my parents died, or when there is an event to emcee. All the rest of the days, I report to work- Christmas, when I am feeling under the weather, or for any other reason other than death, giving birth, or emceeing an event. I guess I can also say I am somehow diligent in going to work.

Kindly go over my suggestions. The use of 'the' is more frequently present in the English language to function as a determiner whether the noun is specific or non-specific. Sometimes however, when we place 'the' and it is not needed, the sentence appears more awkward than the nouns that you may fail to put it. 

You have written  your experiences in a clear and grammatically correct sentences, excellent job!

-T. Donna~ 

Good afternoon.
>> Correct!

How was your weekend?
>> Correct!

Since the profit for yesterday was bad, Dr. MJ and counselling managers were nervous all day.
>> Since the profit for yesterday was bad, Dr. MJ and the counselling managers were nervous all day.

Today's profit is not bad, nevertheless, Dr. MJ felt so bad.
>> Correct!
Or: Today's profit is not bad, nevertheless, Dr. MJ still felt so bad.

That's because he wants that today's profit should compensate with yesterday's loss.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, I have an experience that I was absent from work.
>> Correct!

When I worked in public health clinic, I drank a lot every night.
>> When I worked in the public health clinic, I drank a lot every night.

Because, workloading was relatively low for me and I was younger than now.
>>That time, the work load was relatively low for me and I was younger than now.

One day, I drank so much than usual.
>> Correct!

Next day, I couldn't wake up, even couldn't received the call from the staff.
>> The next day, I couldn't wake up, and I even couldn't receive the call from the staff.

The staff tried to call me numerous times.
>> Correct!

At that time, I was married, but my wife and I lived seperately, because we didn't have a child and she worked far away from me.
>> Correct!

That's why the staff called my wife, and my wife called the guard of my house, and then the guard unlocked the door and waked me up directly.
>> Correct!

So, I went to the workplace immediately, but I was too late, almost absent.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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