¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.16

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-06-16 893

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?

The army is has so many worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
These things really need disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?


The army is has so many worst things.
>> The army has the worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
>> CORRECT!
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
>> Theses days, a soldier receives 1 million won (almost 43,700 pesos) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
>> But in South Korea, this salary is very low.
OR >> But in my country, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
>> If I work outside the army, I will get more than three times of the basic salary.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
>> CORRECT!
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
>> Second is bullying, even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
>> A few bad guys bullying other people use creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
>> CORRECT!
These things really need disappear.
>> These things really need to disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127202 4/5 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 883
127201 Drama ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 2
127200 What makes me be mad ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 648
127199 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 561
127198 Favorite summer memories ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 697
127197 Topics that I\'m interested about Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 1
127196 What are the advantages and disadvantages of talking in person? ±è*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 700
127195 What do you think are the effects of school bullying/violence? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 2
127194 Bullying and violence in school is outright criminal. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 3
127193 4.Apr.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 1
127192 3.Apr.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 3
127191 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 680
127190 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 1
127189 Home work Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 560
127188 The questions ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 1
127187 pizza ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 911
127186 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 2
127185 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 1
127184 Do you agree with the court¡¯s decision that children born out... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 4
127183 Hello Ãß*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-04 539

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04