¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.16

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-06-16 843

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?

The army is has so many worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
These things really need disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?


The army is has so many worst things.
>> The army has the worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
>> CORRECT!
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
>> Theses days, a soldier receives 1 million won (almost 43,700 pesos) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
>> But in South Korea, this salary is very low.
OR >> But in my country, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
>> If I work outside the army, I will get more than three times of the basic salary.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
>> CORRECT!
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
>> Second is bullying, even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
>> A few bad guys bullying other people use creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
>> CORRECT!
These things really need disappear.
>> These things really need to disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127629 What are your thoughts about the saying \"Time is Gold\"? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-04-20 2
127628 What other places would you like to visit aside from Australia? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-20 660
127627 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using AI? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 2
127626 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1246
127625 We have learned to help each other. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 3
127624 Should beggars be fined or jailed if they¡¯re caught lying about... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 3
127623 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1
127622 Luggage ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1
127621 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 788
127620 How would you describe good/effective communication? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 0
127619 homework 04.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 800
127618 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 550
127617 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 0
127616 Can energy bars replace the proper meals? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 0
127615 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1
127614 Why has the divorce rate increased in many countries in recent... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1096
127613 How do Koreans greet each other? Give some examples. ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 0
127612 What do you think of same sex couples getting married and having... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 5
127611 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 749
127610 Anser about my room and the item there ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04