¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.16

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-06-16 562

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?

The army is has so many worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
These things really need disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What do you think is the worst thing about being in the army?


The army is has so many worst things.
>> The army has the worst things.
First of all, the salary(wage) is too low.
>> CORRECT!
Theses days a soldier receive 1million won (almost 43,700 peso) per month.
>> Theses days, a soldier receives 1 million won (almost 43,700 pesos) per month.
But in the South Korea, this salary is very low.
>> But in South Korea, this salary is very low.
OR >> But in my country, this salary is very low.
If I did work outside except army, I will get more than three times more.
>> If I work outside the army, I will get more than three times of the basic salary.
The salary is rising now, but it's still not enough.
>> CORRECT!
Second is bullying. Even it is goes on like a custom.
>> Second is bullying, even it is goes on like a custom.
A few bad guys bullying other people use a creative ways.
>> A few bad guys bullying other people use creative ways.
But I never bothered other people.
>> CORRECT!
These things really need disappear.
>> These things really need to disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129174 WRITING TASK: What would the world be like without music? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2
129173 Slim ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129172 6/29 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2582
129171 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1802
129170 Is keeping your ex-partner¡¯s contact information and... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 3180
129169 Describe a person you admire. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2250
129168 What can you say about climate change? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129167 What is the most boring sbject for you? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1814
129166 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1918
129165 What\'s the best way to pass a job interview? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1664
129164 Writing Task 0628 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129163 If you were to call for a company meeting, how would you do it? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2009
129162 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129161 HOMEWORK FOR 06.28.2023 Á¤*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1832
129160 Let me introduce myself ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1477
129159 My high school life ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2667
129158 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129157 media ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2970
129156 HOMEWORK FOR 06.27.2023 Á¤*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2576
129155 HOMEWORK FOR 06.29.2023 Á¤*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2136

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04