¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you make new friends ? Is it easy or hard for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2023-06-14 1055

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

- There are many ways to make new friends. Generally, people join a club which they are interested in. People usually open their mind easily to others who have in common interest. Also it could be rich in conversation. It makes them close each other.
- However, it is not easy for me to make new friends. Because I have not many hobbies and interests. Especially, I am quite passive to talk to others at first. Once I get to know them and then I become very active and friendly to them.
- Furthermore, I am a little bit lazy so if I am not in good condition, I don¡¯t want to do anything. Thus, I used to break the appointment to attend the club. Whenever it happens, I feel sorry to them. After that, I tend not to join a club. Anyway I think I am a quite introverted person. So I have some difficulties to make new friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Demi!
Thank you for your composition today.
Please take note not to start your sentences with conjunctions if they are a continuation of a previous thought.
Analyze the proper usage of pronouns as well.
You can only use them if you have previously mentioned a noun to replace.
Be careful with your articles as well.
Overall, you have expressed yourself well and you made proper choices with your vocabulary words.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many ways to make new friends. 
>> Correct
Generally, people join a club which they are interested in. 
>> Correct
People usually open their mind easily to others who have in common interest. 
>> People usually open their mind easily to others who share a common interest with them. 
Also it could be rich in conversation. 
>> This can also enrich a conversation.
It makes them close each other.
>> It makes them close to each other.
However, it is not easy for me to make new friends.
>> Correct
Because I have not many hobbies and interests.
>> It's because I don't have many hobbies and interests.
Especially, I am quite passive to talk to others at first. 
>> I am especially quite passive in talking with others at first. 
Once I get to know them and then I become very active and friendly to them.
>> Once I get to know them, I become very active and friendly to them.
Furthermore, I am a little bit lazy so if I am not in good condition, I don¡¯t want to do anything. 
>> Correct
Thus, I used to break the appointment to attend the club. 
>> Thus, I used to break appointments to attend club activities.
Whenever it happens, I feel sorry to them. 
>> Whenever it happened, I felt sorry to our club members.
After that, I tend not to join a club. 
>> After some time, I just avoided joining clubs altogether. 
Anyway I think I am a quite introverted person. 
>> Anyway, I think I am quite an introverted person. 
So I have some difficulties to make new friends.
>> So, I have some difficulties in making new friends.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126967 A story that i missed the deadline. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 833
126966 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 0
126965 When do you say that a person is overexercising? ±è*½½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 544
126964 Is it better to be physically attractive or intelligent? Why? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 860
126963 What numbers are considered to be lucky and unlucky in your... Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 518
126962 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1
126961 Homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 612
126960 At the convenience store ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 0
126959 3.28 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 669
126958 In what ways do you spend your time with your family? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 2
126957 ¤Ó\' Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 542
126956 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1
126955 talk about the food/snack you last ate. ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 767
126954 How can we avoid fraudsters? Share your answer in a few... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 4
126953 A handful of rest ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 646
126952 In summer! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 747
126951 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 676
126950 03-27 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 6
126949 I think how can I help to my society À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 644
126948 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 610

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04