¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you make new friends ? Is it easy or hard for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2023-06-14 854

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

- There are many ways to make new friends. Generally, people join a club which they are interested in. People usually open their mind easily to others who have in common interest. Also it could be rich in conversation. It makes them close each other.
- However, it is not easy for me to make new friends. Because I have not many hobbies and interests. Especially, I am quite passive to talk to others at first. Once I get to know them and then I become very active and friendly to them.
- Furthermore, I am a little bit lazy so if I am not in good condition, I don¡¯t want to do anything. Thus, I used to break the appointment to attend the club. Whenever it happens, I feel sorry to them. After that, I tend not to join a club. Anyway I think I am a quite introverted person. So I have some difficulties to make new friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Demi!
Thank you for your composition today.
Please take note not to start your sentences with conjunctions if they are a continuation of a previous thought.
Analyze the proper usage of pronouns as well.
You can only use them if you have previously mentioned a noun to replace.
Be careful with your articles as well.
Overall, you have expressed yourself well and you made proper choices with your vocabulary words.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many ways to make new friends. 
>> Correct
Generally, people join a club which they are interested in. 
>> Correct
People usually open their mind easily to others who have in common interest. 
>> People usually open their mind easily to others who share a common interest with them. 
Also it could be rich in conversation. 
>> This can also enrich a conversation.
It makes them close each other.
>> It makes them close to each other.
However, it is not easy for me to make new friends.
>> Correct
Because I have not many hobbies and interests.
>> It's because I don't have many hobbies and interests.
Especially, I am quite passive to talk to others at first. 
>> I am especially quite passive in talking with others at first. 
Once I get to know them and then I become very active and friendly to them.
>> Once I get to know them, I become very active and friendly to them.
Furthermore, I am a little bit lazy so if I am not in good condition, I don¡¯t want to do anything. 
>> Correct
Thus, I used to break the appointment to attend the club. 
>> Thus, I used to break appointments to attend club activities.
Whenever it happens, I feel sorry to them. 
>> Whenever it happened, I felt sorry to our club members.
After that, I tend not to join a club. 
>> After some time, I just avoided joining clubs altogether. 
Anyway I think I am a quite introverted person. 
>> Anyway, I think I am quite an introverted person. 
So I have some difficulties to make new friends.
>> So, I have some difficulties in making new friends.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129485 What\'s your thought on this new business called the streaming... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2
129484 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 0
129483 HOMEWORK Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 1622
129482 The city I want to live ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2019
129481 What pet do you have at the home? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 3721
129480 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 1904
129479 2023.7.12 homework ±è*»è ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2376
129478 Homework ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 1
129477 What\'s your favorite day of the week and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 3706
129476 What would you like to invent and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2258
129475 What kind of dancing do people in your country like? Is there... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 0
129474 I think some restrictions are needed. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2310
129473 I like everything except writing. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2170
129472 A food ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2
129471 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 1924
129470 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2700
129469 HOMEWORK FOR 07/03 Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 3
129468 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 1449
129467 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 2322
129466 Homework ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-12 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04