¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What advice can you give to people who are depressed? Do you think ordinary people can help the depr

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-06-08 525

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Above all, One of the reasons why people are depressed is to compare themselves with others. As the old saying goes, don't compare your life with others. There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it's their time. So my advice is that each person has a respective time and purpose that you need not be conscious about others. Rather, you need to know yourself and your Creator more and more. Otherwise, we can't help but make a mistake barking up the wrong tree.
Therefore, if you're walking your own way, you're eligible to make proper advice to those struggling with depression because many mental illnesses such as depression may come from self-depreciation. However, if you're one of those who can feel relieved to see yourself above others, you can't be helpful to anyone, let alone yourself. More spiritually saying, I believe there is a wicked existence over people. So if you can't come to your senses for a while, you will soon find yourself way off the happiness.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Steve,
This composition was great! You just have to pay attention to your consistency as we are talking from a third person's point of view.
Other than that, this composition is already great and very meaningful. Great job!
~T. Demi
Above all, One of the reasons why people are depressed is to compare themselves with others.
CORRECT!
OR>> Above all, One of the reasons why people are depressed is because they compare themselves with others.
As the old saying goes, don't compare your life with others. 
CORRECT!
There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. 
CORRECT!
They shine when it's their time. 
CORRECT!
So my advice is that each person has a respective time and purpose that you need not be conscious about others. 
>> So my advice is that each person should remember that they have their own respective time and purpose, they shouldn't be conscious about others.
Rather, you need to know yourself and your Creator more and more. 
>> Rather, they need to know much more about themselves and their Creator.
Otherwise, we can't help but make a mistake barking up the wrong tree.
CORRECT!
OR>> Otherwise, it's inevitable that they will make a mistake barking up the wrong tree.
Therefore, if you're walking your way, you're eligible to make proper advice to those struggling with depression because many mental illnesses such as depression may come from self-depreciation. 
CORRECT!
OR>>Therefore, if people are walking their own ways, then they're eligible to make proper advice to those struggling with depression because many mental illnesses such as depression may come from self-depreciation. 
However, if you're one of those who can feel relieved to see yourself above others, you can't be helpful to anyone, let alone yourself. More spiritually saying, I believe there is a wicked existence over people. 
CORRECT!
OR >>However, if they're one of those who are relieved to see themselves above others, they can't be helpful to anyone, let alone themselves. More spiritually saying, I believe there is a wicked existence over people. 
So if you can't come to your senses for a while, you will soon find yourself way off the happiness.
CORRECT!
OR>> So if they can't come to their senses for a while, they will soon find themselves drifting away from happiness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129036 Should a company hire people with tattoos? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1452
129035 In your opinion, what has been the most significant... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 796
129034 What are the effects of pollution? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3
129033 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1
129032 DIRECTIONS: Fill in the blanks. Choose the right verb tense. ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 2
129031 Are ethical issues really a major issue in the field of robotics... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 5
129030 If you meet some South Koreans there in your place, what kind of... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 886
129029 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 997
129028 food ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 703
129027 22.Jun.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1
129026 How often do you listen to music? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1
129025 Diet Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1189
129024 WRITING TASK: Do you think going on a strict diet is important?... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 4
129023 DIRECTIONS: Find the meaning of the words below and use them in... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3
129022 homework 06.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 839
129021 What is your favorite song and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1046
129020 The advantages and disadvantages of TV ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 964
129019 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1166
129018 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1003
129017 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 621

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04