¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Writing task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾È*Çü
2023-06-07 1124

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What social problems are associated with old age?
Many elderlies lose their job. However, especially in Korea, there is a weak pension policy. Nowadays, because of the low birth rate, they cannot be guaranteed their pension. The government is organizing occupation for elderly, but it¡¯s still weak and few.

What thing or activity did you like most when you visited Jeju Island?
The last day, very before boarding airplane, my friend and I went to the shore near airport. Only 30minutes left to go but we bought sushi. We also bought soju and ate very fast. At that time, the feeling of wrapping up the trip and tipsy made me happy. I want to re-visit the Jeju Island with my friends.

I couldn¡¯t hand out my homework because the previous class is over so I submit in here.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Robin.
Thank you for doing your homework. I agree, pension is a very big issue in Korea nowadays and people far from retirement age are already worries about what might happen in the future. Also, thank you for sharing with me the activity that you liked most when you visited Jeju Island.
- T. Caitlyn
What social problems are associated with old age?
>> CORRECT
Many elderlies lose their job. 
>> CORRECT
However, especially in Korea, there is a weak pension policy. 
>> CORRECT
Nowadays, because of the low birth rate, they cannot be guaranteed their pension. 
>> CORRECT
The government is organizing occupation for elderly, but it¡¯s still weak and few.
>> The government is organizing occupations for the elderly, but it¡¯s still unstable and limited.

What thing or activity did you like most when you visited Jeju Island?
>> CORRECT
The last day, very before boarding airplane, my friend and I went to the shore near airport. 
>> On the last day, before boarding the airplane, my friend and I went to the shore near the airport. 
Only 30minutes left to go but we bought sushi. 
>> There were only 30 minutes left before departure but we still bought sushi. 
We also bought soju and ate very fast. 
>> We also bought soju and ate hurriedly. 
At that time, the feeling of wrapping up the trip and tipsy made me happy. 
>> At that time, the feeling of wrapping up the trip and being tipsy made me happy. 
I want to re-visit the Jeju Island with my friends.
>> I want to revisit Jeju Island with my friends.

I couldn¡¯t hand out my homework because the previous class is over so I submit in here.
>> I couldn¡¯t hand in my homework because the previous class is over so I submitted it here.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124996 Homework from the Feedback ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 558
124995 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 550
124994 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 605
124993 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 503
124992 Why are many people afraid of insects? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 639
124991 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 2
124990 What do you worry about getting older? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 803
124989 If you created a charity what cause would you focus on? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 585
124988 Insects😱 ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 956
124987 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 2
124986 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 771
124985 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 668
124984 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 2
124983 At this stage of your life, are you beginning to make plans for... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 863
124982 multicultural family ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 1
124981 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 548
124980 Hobbies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 0
124979 What is the software application that is used the most often? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 1417
124978 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 1
124977 My worst day is a stuty day ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 8

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04