¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What could be your advice for people who are suffering from insomnia?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-06-07 1730

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. We need to improve this highly competitive society. If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve!
Your answers were outstanding. Your personality can be seen on your writing.
Great job!
~ T. Demi ^^
Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. 
CORRECT!
It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. 
CORRECT!
OR>> Psychiatric treatment could cure it.
On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
>> On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep ourselves peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert late at night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. 
>> Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them through faith in God. 
The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. 
CORRECT!
So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
>> So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to inform them how to deal with it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. 
CORRECT!
We need to improve this highly competitive society. 
CORRECT!
If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. 
>> If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new disorders besides insomnia. 
We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.
>> We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle it holistically.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134143 essay 10 ¼Û*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1482
134142 Do you need someone to remind you about your schedule? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1
134141 My New Hobby ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1172
134140 Do you know someone who gets happy, angry, or sad when they... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1794
134139 homework 2024-01-24 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2
134138 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1408
134137 The risk of rental ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2705
134136 Homework do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1623
134135 Where do you usually meet new people? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 9
134134 When people move to another country, some of them decide to... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 0
134133 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1169
134132 Instead of sleeping, how would you like to spend that time? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1364
134131 Homework : \\ ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1156
134130 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 238
134129 homework 01.23 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1456
134128 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1649
134127 home work ÃÖ*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1410
134126 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 2
134125 Korea in movies ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 0
134124 Make, compose, or construct two (2) sentences with the adjective... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04