¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

When can development and progress be negative?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2023-06-05 784

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is a common belief that development is good thing for human beings. However, I firmly believe that progress have much more negative effects on environment, both the earth and people. To begin with, the untouched lands are dissappearing so the nature's function of reducing carbon dioxide cannot be activated well. As a result, greenhouse effect is getting stronger. Also the deforestation for construction of industrial development should be regulated.
On top of that, people are more nervous and stressful because of the high level of competition caused by progess. There is no limit about people's aspiration toward economical growth. They must be tired of the state of being strained.
To sum up, devastating environmental illness and dramatic human stress show that progress could be negative part although they have a lot of benefits.For these reason, development should be done by preserving the ecosystem and caring about human beings.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Ko Eun!
Thank you for giving a comprehensive composition in your homework. You did very well in explaining the negative effects of progress and I couldn't agree more. There are minor grammar slips but don't worry, I can see your improvement in writing.
- T. Caitlyn
It is a common belief that development is good thing for human beings. 
>> It is a common belief that development is a good thing for human beings. 
However, I firmly believe that progress have much more negative effects on environment, both the earth and people. 
>> However, I firmly believe that progress has many more negative effects on the environment, both the earth and people. 
To begin with, the untouched lands are dissappearing so the nature's function of reducing carbon dioxide cannot be activated well. 
>> To begin with, untouched lands are disappearing so nature's function of reducing carbon dioxide cannot be activated well.
As a result, greenhouse effect is getting stronger. 
>> As a result, the greenhouse effect is getting stronger.
Also the deforestation for construction of industrial development should be regulated.
>>  Also, deforestation for the construction of industrial development should be regulated.
On top of that, people are more nervous and stressful because of the high level of competition caused by progess. 
>> On top of that, people are more nervous and stressed because of the high level of competition caused by progress.
There is no limit about people's aspiration toward economical growth. 
>> There is no limit to people's aspirations toward economic growth. 
They must be tired of the state of being strained.
>> CORRECT
To sum up, devastating environmental illness and dramatic human stress show that progress could be negative part although they have a lot of benefits.
>> To sum up, devastating environmental illness and dramatic human stress show that progress could be a negative part although they have a lot of benefits.
For these reason, development should be done by preserving the ecosystem and caring about human beings.
>> For these reasons, development should be done by preserving the ecosystem and caring about human beings.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125918 What book had the biggest impact on your life and why? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 423
125917 Worst weather is rainning. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 407
125916 help ? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 281
125915 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 0
125914 Who among the members of your family are you close with? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 540
125913 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 2
125912 Your feet will bring you to where your heart is\" is irish... ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 2
125911 The place I spend my retirement ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 579
125910 1. pet 2. take care ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 0
125909 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 2
125908 Which do you prefer, a small class or a big class? Why? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-23 2
125907 2023-2/22 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 558
125906 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 2
125905 HOMEWORK Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 513
125904 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 542
125903 Rocks ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 2
125902 home work ¼Õ*±Ù ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 586
125901 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 643
125900 I want ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 1
125899 homework ¼Õ*±Ù ¿Ï·á 2023-02-22 368

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04