¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Writing task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾È*Çü
2023-05-29 786

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the old age is the life of freedom. I can enjoy my hobby using the money which I earned before. However I think we cannot play something active. Elders can only do static hobby such as planting and cooking.
Sometimes, it can be lonely. There is no friend and children near me. I will be needy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Robin.
You are right. There is more freedom as we get older but the things we can become limited as well. Great job by the way with your homework, you did great with your sentences.
-T. Caitlyn
I think the old age is the life of freedom. 
>> CORRECT
I can enjoy my hobby using the money which I earned before. 
>> CORRECT
However I think we cannot play something active. 
>> However, I think we cannot play something active. 
Elders can only do static hobby such as planting and cooking.
>> Elders can only do static hobbies such as planting and cooking.
Sometimes, it can be lonely. 
>> CORRECT
There is no friend and children near me. 
>> CORRECT
I will be needy.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129581 Day5 ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 0
129580 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1685
129579 Homework ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 0
129578 homework 07.17 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1650
129577 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 0
129576 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2369
129575 The scariest movie that I have seen ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2666
129574 Which is the best time for you sleep? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2093
129573 Keeping pets is good for children? ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1196
129572 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1965
129571 2023.7.17 homework ±è*»è ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1982
129570 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 0
129569 homework -weekend- ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 1
129568 WRITING TASK: How do you loosen up? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2
129567 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2420
129566 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 2509
129565 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-17 0
129564 What is the purpose of the matchmaking events organized by local... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-16 2807
129563 Role of mother is.. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-16 1928
129562 What\'s the best thing about having a younger sister? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-16 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04