¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Writing task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾È*Çü
2023-05-29 500

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the old age is the life of freedom. I can enjoy my hobby using the money which I earned before. However I think we cannot play something active. Elders can only do static hobby such as planting and cooking.
Sometimes, it can be lonely. There is no friend and children near me. I will be needy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Robin.
You are right. There is more freedom as we get older but the things we can become limited as well. Great job by the way with your homework, you did great with your sentences.
-T. Caitlyn
I think the old age is the life of freedom. 
>> CORRECT
I can enjoy my hobby using the money which I earned before. 
>> CORRECT
However I think we cannot play something active. 
>> However, I think we cannot play something active. 
Elders can only do static hobby such as planting and cooking.
>> Elders can only do static hobbies such as planting and cooking.
Sometimes, it can be lonely. 
>> CORRECT
There is no friend and children near me. 
>> CORRECT
I will be needy.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130290 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-18 1166
130289 If given the chance, what policies in Korea do you wish to... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-18 1517
130288 How do you find balance between work and personal life? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-18 1096
130287 Do you take vitamins? Do they really help people, or do they... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-18 1
130286 Would you allow Lucy to sleep on your bed? Why or why not? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-18 0
130285 What makes healthy lifestyle important? È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1250
130284 What do you think is an effective way to encourage people to... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1456
130283 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 837
130282 homework 08.17 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1110
130281 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 0
130280 Would you rather be half-Korean or full-blooded Korean? Why? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2
130279 To compare which is difficult in English. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1944
130278 Focus something on my life. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 929
130277 Benefits of losing weights ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1843
130276 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1560
130275 What\'s a memory that makes you happy? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1203
130274 Friend in need is indeed ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1568
130273 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1555
130272 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1136
130271 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1568

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04