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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Aside from transportation, what other infrastructure are proud of having in Korea?

작성자: 이*은
2023-05-28 812

회원님의 영작문

I think that Korean citizen parks are well operated by government and people. Many people are exposed to city pollution like constant noises, excessive lights and hazy air. So citizens have to be provided natural areas. If people can take a rest in nature offered by parks, they can relieve the stress and feel more comfort. Furthermore, it can also help people to be more in touch with nature if it is located in the mountain. However, even if it's not a nature-friendly park, Han-river parks are well-known for good places to relax and enjoy with friends. The citizen's of Seoul are proud of their parks and frequently visit there especially for it's accessibility and various kind of amenities. They can do a lot of activities like riding a bike, having a picnic and talking a walk. Because we have these parks, the quality of our life is more increased, so in my opinion the number of parks should grow

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ko Eun.
I totally agree with you. Korean parks equipped with exercise equipment are something unique and to be proud of. I think this kind of facility is great if implemented in other countries as well.
-T. Caitlyn
I think that Korean citizen parks are well operated by government and people. 
>> I think that Korean citizen parks are well-operated by the government and people. 
Many people are exposed to city pollution like constant noises, excessive lights and hazy air. So citizens have to be provided natural areas. 
>> Many people are exposed to city pollution like constant noises, excessive lights, and hazy air so citizens have to be provided natural areas. 
If people can take a rest in nature offered by parks, they can relieve the stress and feel more comfort. 
>> If people can take a rest in nature offered by parks, they can relieve the stress and feel more comfortable. 
Furthermore, it can also help people to be more in touch with nature if it is located in the mountain. 
>> CORRECT
However, even if it's not a nature-friendly park, Han-river parks are well-known for good places to relax and enjoy with friends. 
>> However, even if it's not a nature-friendly park, parks near the Han River are well-known as good places to relax and enjoy with friends. 
The citizen's of Seoul are proud of their parks and frequently visit there especially for it's accessibility and various kind of amenities. 
>> The citizens of Seoul are proud of their parks and frequently visit there, especially for their accessibility and various kind of amenities. 
They can do a lot of activities like riding a bike, having a picnic and talking a walk. 
>> They can do a lot of activities like riding a bike, having a picnic and taking a walk. 
Because we have these parks, the quality of our life is more increased, so in my opinion the number of parks should grow
>> Because we have these parks, the quality of our life is increased, so in my opinion, the number of parks should be increased.
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