¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The bad behavior is not good things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çý
2023-05-26 625

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Da Hye,


I wanted to commend you on completing your homework and sharing your thoughts on the topic of bad behavior and its impact on happiness. You've provided some insightful examples and expressed your perspective clearly. I appreciate your effort in exploring the concept of coexistence and the importance of valuing others. If you have any questions or would like to discuss your essay further, please don't hesitate to reach out. Keep up the excellent work, and I look forward to seeing your continued progress.

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.

>>I think bad behavior easily breaks other people's happiness or one's own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.

>>For example, pickpocketing, fraud, murder, etc.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I believe we are animals that coexist, and we are collective animals who cannot achieve much if there is only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

>>CORRECT

OR>>It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's problematic when people undervalue others in comparison to themselves.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127385 What are the mistakes that you keep committing? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 277
127384 Sweets are the biggest problem in my life ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 2
127383 What was the most beautiful dream you ever had? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127382 How can you encourage more members to join your activities? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127381 today\'s homework Ãß*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 2
127380 What did you reflect on Easter? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127379 4.12 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 121
127378 ny today plan ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 169
127377 Do you have a five year plan for your life? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 162
127376 4/12 homework. ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 108
127375 4/10 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 2
127374 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 175
127373 My color ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127372 Tell me! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 146
127371 How do you celebrate Christmas? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 0
127370 What makes restaurant be great ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127369 Write an essay about your favorite travel destination. ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 5
127368 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 1
127367 To be healthy ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-11 191
127366 definition of \'hard work\' is depend on interest of work. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-11 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04