¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The bad behavior is not good things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çý
2023-05-26 1319

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Da Hye,


I wanted to commend you on completing your homework and sharing your thoughts on the topic of bad behavior and its impact on happiness. You've provided some insightful examples and expressed your perspective clearly. I appreciate your effort in exploring the concept of coexistence and the importance of valuing others. If you have any questions or would like to discuss your essay further, please don't hesitate to reach out. Keep up the excellent work, and I look forward to seeing your continued progress.

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.

>>I think bad behavior easily breaks other people's happiness or one's own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.

>>For example, pickpocketing, fraud, murder, etc.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I believe we are animals that coexist, and we are collective animals who cannot achieve much if there is only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

>>CORRECT

OR>>It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's problematic when people undervalue others in comparison to themselves.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129825 I think no. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2003
129824 I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2748
129823 That\'s because everyone has different genes and environments. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2043
129822 7/27 wiriting task ÀÌ*Àç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1248
129821 double parking ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2510
129820 When do you prefer having a family gathering? ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1817
129819 The advantages of buying your own house in Korea ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1905
129818 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2281
129817 Why we need resoect ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 0
129816 Homework ÁÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2390
129815 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1684
129814 Greetings ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2231
129813 7/26 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1
129812 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2031
129811 How do you judge food? By taste, appearance, smell, or feel? Can... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2
129810 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 1915
129809 homework 07.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 3544
129808 My favorite side dish ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2054
129807 Which sport don\'t you like to try? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 1946
129806 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2670

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04