¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-05-21 1001

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, T.Donna.
How was your weekend?
There was a bad event.
One of my senior doctor's father passed away suddenly.
Thus, I went to the funeral to comfort my senior.
He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for the health well; He didn't smoke, drink, and he got annual check-up completely.
His father and mother lived together, but they slept seperately.
That's why his mother couldn't find him having a trouble immediately.
Sudden death typically is caused by heart failure or brain hemorrhage.
If someone who is near the patient calls the Emergency(119), the rate of survival will be increased.
Many people who are old live alone.
We need a family and friend, if we don't want to die alone.
Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to the wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' day.
They will come home soon.
When I want to celebrate something, I usually invite my friends or family.
We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house moving.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Dr. Kim!

Last Saturday, I emceed a debut of a rich family, I stood up for more than four hours and my feet were sore but now, they are perfectly fine. Everyone had a great time and I am glad they did. 

I am sorry to hear about your senior doctor's father. Death remains one of life's greatest mysteries. Often death is shocking and unexpected. Family and friends suffer the pain of loss. It is like a thief in the night that steals life. But then, we all know that it is a part of our biological results and it is inevitable. Even without medical histories, as you shared in class, his heart enlargement may be the main causes. Nevertheless, may he rest in eternal peace.

Indeed, if we do not want to die alone, we can always have  a family who can take care of us until the end. To have one, we have to be one. 

Definitely, your little girls had a blast during the weekend. Chnaging environment for children helps them grow as resilient, flexible, and smart people.

Finally, in inviting friends, we always want warm, thoughtful, kind, and genrous friends we had overtime. Again, to find good friends, we have to be a very good one as well.

My grammar suggestions contain pronouns, diction, as well as capitalizatin. Read them below. Congratulations on your long and interesting sentences! Have a good Monday then.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How was your weekend?
>> Correct!

There was a bad event.
>> Correct!

One of my senior doctor's father passed away suddenly.
>> Correct!

Thus, I went to the funeral to comfort my senior.
>> Correct!

He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for the health well; He didn't smoke, drink, and he got annual check-up completely.
>> Correct! Very good sentence! 
Or: He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for his health well; he didn't smoke, drink, and he got his annual check-up completely.

His father and mother lived together, but they slept seperately.
>> Correct!

That's why his mother couldn't find him having a trouble immediately.
>> Correct!

Sudden death typically is caused by heart failure or brain hemorrhage.
>> Correct!

If someone who is near the patient calls the Emergency(119), the rate of survival will be increased.
>> Correct!

Many people who are old live alone.
>> Correct!

We need a family and friend, if we don't want to die alone.
>> Correct!

Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to the wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' day.
>> Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to my wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' Day.
Or:  Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to my in-law's house to celebrate Parents' Day.

They will come home soon.
>> Correct!

When I want to celebrate something, I usually invite my friends or family.
>> Correct!

We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house moving.
>> We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house transfer.

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124135 Do you think there is a connection between beauty and... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1
124134 What are the major tourist attractions in your city? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 0
124133 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1130
124132 Do you think you are easily persuaded to buy things after seeing... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1
124131 How do you deal with people who cannot meet their deadlines? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 2
124130 12/12 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1043
124129 why mbti test becomes popular ¾È*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1976
124128 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 0
124127 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 0
124126 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 735
124125 HOMEWORK: Is increasing your vocabulary important? What... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 0
124124 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 2
124123 hoemwork ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 756
124122 The World Cup Final is always among the most watched television... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1241
124121 Do you like Christmas decorations? How do you feel about the... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 901
124120 If I can change¡¦ ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 761
124119 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1350
124118 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 657
124117 Homework (12/12) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 1
124116 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-12 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04