¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-05-21 430

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, T.Donna.
How was your weekend?
There was a bad event.
One of my senior doctor's father passed away suddenly.
Thus, I went to the funeral to comfort my senior.
He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for the health well; He didn't smoke, drink, and he got annual check-up completely.
His father and mother lived together, but they slept seperately.
That's why his mother couldn't find him having a trouble immediately.
Sudden death typically is caused by heart failure or brain hemorrhage.
If someone who is near the patient calls the Emergency(119), the rate of survival will be increased.
Many people who are old live alone.
We need a family and friend, if we don't want to die alone.
Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to the wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' day.
They will come home soon.
When I want to celebrate something, I usually invite my friends or family.
We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house moving.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Dr. Kim!

Last Saturday, I emceed a debut of a rich family, I stood up for more than four hours and my feet were sore but now, they are perfectly fine. Everyone had a great time and I am glad they did. 

I am sorry to hear about your senior doctor's father. Death remains one of life's greatest mysteries. Often death is shocking and unexpected. Family and friends suffer the pain of loss. It is like a thief in the night that steals life. But then, we all know that it is a part of our biological results and it is inevitable. Even without medical histories, as you shared in class, his heart enlargement may be the main causes. Nevertheless, may he rest in eternal peace.

Indeed, if we do not want to die alone, we can always have  a family who can take care of us until the end. To have one, we have to be one. 

Definitely, your little girls had a blast during the weekend. Chnaging environment for children helps them grow as resilient, flexible, and smart people.

Finally, in inviting friends, we always want warm, thoughtful, kind, and genrous friends we had overtime. Again, to find good friends, we have to be a very good one as well.

My grammar suggestions contain pronouns, diction, as well as capitalizatin. Read them below. Congratulations on your long and interesting sentences! Have a good Monday then.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How was your weekend?
>> Correct!

There was a bad event.
>> Correct!

One of my senior doctor's father passed away suddenly.
>> Correct!

Thus, I went to the funeral to comfort my senior.
>> Correct!

He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for the health well; He didn't smoke, drink, and he got annual check-up completely.
>> Correct! Very good sentence! 
Or: He told me that his father had no medical history and always cared for his health well; he didn't smoke, drink, and he got his annual check-up completely.

His father and mother lived together, but they slept seperately.
>> Correct!

That's why his mother couldn't find him having a trouble immediately.
>> Correct!

Sudden death typically is caused by heart failure or brain hemorrhage.
>> Correct!

If someone who is near the patient calls the Emergency(119), the rate of survival will be increased.
>> Correct!

Many people who are old live alone.
>> Correct!

We need a family and friend, if we don't want to die alone.
>> Correct!

Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to the wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' day.
>> Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to my wife's parents' house for celebrating Parents' Day.
Or:  Anyway, yesterday my wife and kids went to my in-law's house to celebrate Parents' Day.

They will come home soon.
>> Correct!

When I want to celebrate something, I usually invite my friends or family.
>> Correct!

We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house moving.
>> We actually have to invite many people to celebrate our house transfer.

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126829 Do you believe in love at first sight? Why? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 154
126828 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126827 How would you describe an ideal weekend ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 830
126826 Homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 73
126825 What are the disadvantages of using food delivery services? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126824 Are there any forbidden places in your country? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126823 Stop woring out ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126822 What food from other countries have you tried and liked the most? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126821 homework ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 116
126820 3.23 Homework ¹Ú*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 267
126819 Do you think social media is good for people? Why or why not? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 3
126818 3.24 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 102
126817 Festival Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 120
126816 HOMEWORK FOR 03/22 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 4
126815 Opinion about Eating outdoors ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126814 Trend ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126813 21.Mar.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126812 An apple a day ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 74
126811 The habit ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 105
126810 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 137

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04