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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

I don\'t want it.

작성자: 윤*혜
2023-05-16 1260

회원님의 영작문

Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country,
Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low.
So I don't want to die for my country.
And I think when everyone who can fight dies, a woman calls it.
I don't want to go to a place where even a trained persons die.
Because, this country hurt me so hard and I don't love my country.
So, if they don't contact me and ask me to fight, I'm go to run away.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Da Hye,

Thank you for doing your homework. I want to provide some feedback to help you improve your writing. Firstly, when expressing a general statement, it is better to use "is" instead of "are" in the sentence "Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low." Additionally, it would be more effective to explain why the country's treatment of soldiers is perceived as low and how people view them negatively. Moreover, when mentioning that a woman would call for war after everyone capable of fighting dies, it would be clearer to state the reason behind this belief. Expanding on your thoughts and providing more context will help the reader better understand your perspective. Furthermore, try to elaborate on how the country has hurt you deeply and affected your feelings towards it. Providing specific examples or experiences can strengthen your argument. Lastly, consider using a more neutral tone when discussing your desire to run away. Exploring alternative options or expressing your concerns in a less confrontational manner can contribute to a more balanced discussion. Keep practicing your writing skills and expressing your thoughts. By refining your grammar and expanding on your ideas, you will enhance your ability to convey your viewpoint effectively. I will discuss more in our class. See you! ^^

~Teacher Cathy

 

Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country,

>> Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country.
Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low.

>> Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them is too low.
So I don't want to die for my country.

>> So, I don't want to die for my country.
And I think when everyone who can fight dies, a woman calls it.

>> And I believe that when everyone who is capable of fighting dies, it is then left to a woman to call for it.
I don't want to go to a place where even a trained persons die.

>> I don't want to go to a place where even trained individuals die.
Because, this country hurt me so hard and I don't love my country.

>> Because this country has hurt me deeply, and I don't have love for it.
So, if they don't contact me and ask me to fight, I'm go to run away.

>> Therefore, if they contact me and ask me to fight, I will choose to run away.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
125354 2/6 고*진 완료 2023-02-06 5
125353 What is your favorite animal? Why do you like it? 임*호 완료 2023-02-06 1
125352 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-02-05 398
125351 What do you miss most when you are traveling? 양*은 완료 2023-02-05 537
125350 Why do some people collect things? 송*라 완료 2023-02-05 2
125349 The helping 민*정 완료 2023-02-05 1
125348 Bullying 민*정 완료 2023-02-05 0
125347 The Risk of dangerous. 김*님 완료 2023-02-05 516
125346 Homework 이*경 완료 2023-02-05 503
125345 Homework 이*경 완료 2023-02-05 495
125344 Homework 이*경 완료 2023-02-05 578
125343 Homework 이*경 완료 2023-02-05 551
125342 When are secrets a good thing? Why? 구*우 완료 2023-02-05 586
125341 Why do you think it\'s difficult for people to talk about... 구*우 완료 2023-02-05 747
125340 homework 최*� 완료 2023-02-05 504
125339 Have you ever complained about the food or service in a... 김*국 완료 2023-02-04 1
125338 Do you sometimes find it easy to make alternatives when there... 김*국 완료 2023-02-04 3
125337 How do people fall in love? 신*섭 완료 2023-02-04 534
125336 2023-2/3 HOMEWORK 이*유 완료 2023-02-03 500
125335 Lesson 5 : Homework 김*혜 완료 2023-02-03 484

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[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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01
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

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