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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

I don\'t want it.

작성자: 윤*혜
2023-05-16 1193

회원님의 영작문

Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country,
Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low.
So I don't want to die for my country.
And I think when everyone who can fight dies, a woman calls it.
I don't want to go to a place where even a trained persons die.
Because, this country hurt me so hard and I don't love my country.
So, if they don't contact me and ask me to fight, I'm go to run away.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Da Hye,

Thank you for doing your homework. I want to provide some feedback to help you improve your writing. Firstly, when expressing a general statement, it is better to use "is" instead of "are" in the sentence "Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low." Additionally, it would be more effective to explain why the country's treatment of soldiers is perceived as low and how people view them negatively. Moreover, when mentioning that a woman would call for war after everyone capable of fighting dies, it would be clearer to state the reason behind this belief. Expanding on your thoughts and providing more context will help the reader better understand your perspective. Furthermore, try to elaborate on how the country has hurt you deeply and affected your feelings towards it. Providing specific examples or experiences can strengthen your argument. Lastly, consider using a more neutral tone when discussing your desire to run away. Exploring alternative options or expressing your concerns in a less confrontational manner can contribute to a more balanced discussion. Keep practicing your writing skills and expressing your thoughts. By refining your grammar and expanding on your ideas, you will enhance your ability to convey your viewpoint effectively. I will discuss more in our class. See you! ^^

~Teacher Cathy

 

Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country,

>> Actually, I don't want to go to war and fight for my country.
Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them are too low.

>> Soldiers are good people, but the country's treatment of soldiers and people's perception of them is too low.
So I don't want to die for my country.

>> So, I don't want to die for my country.
And I think when everyone who can fight dies, a woman calls it.

>> And I believe that when everyone who is capable of fighting dies, it is then left to a woman to call for it.
I don't want to go to a place where even a trained persons die.

>> I don't want to go to a place where even trained individuals die.
Because, this country hurt me so hard and I don't love my country.

>> Because this country has hurt me deeply, and I don't have love for it.
So, if they don't contact me and ask me to fight, I'm go to run away.

>> Therefore, if they contact me and ask me to fight, I will choose to run away.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
132745 Unit 9. Homework 박*나 완료 2023-11-26 2
132744 Diary 김*연 완료 2023-11-26 1
132743 Survey 권*정 완료 2023-11-26 1
132742 Letter 박*준 완료 2023-11-26 1
132741 A Pet I Would Like to Have 이*성 완료 2023-11-25 2
132740 A Visit to the Park 이*성 완료 2023-11-25 1
132739 Ideal fitness program 염*예 완료 2023-11-25 2
132738 Ordering food in English 염*예 완료 2023-11-25 1
132737 If you could change one thing about your neighborhood, what... 신*섭 완료 2023-11-25 1777
132736 What does your school like? 최*한 완료 2023-11-25 1202
132735 When are you most proud of your nationality? 윤*원 완료 2023-11-25 3
132734 homwork 박*준 완료 2023-11-25 3
132733 If you were to create your own fashion line, what would be the... 이*윤 완료 2023-11-25 1538
132732 What\'s the most important thing to do to handle and accept... 김*경 완료 2023-11-24 1260
132731 What different ways are there to cook potatoes? 최*정 완료 2023-11-24 1468
132730 Would you like dual nationality? What are the benefits? 에*미 완료 2023-11-24 1
132729 The last time I stayed over 이*규 완료 2023-11-24 1632
132728 I go to karaoke when I\'m stressed out. 김*빈 완료 2023-11-24 2
132727 homework 11.24 최*� 완료 2023-11-24 1408
132726 Would you rather clean your room or wash the dishes after dinner? 송*우 완료 2023-11-24 1211

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첨삭이 가능하며,

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03
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