¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-05-15 1580

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi, T.Donna.
It's a greatest weather today.
There was no patient, so I imagined if I could go outside and drink.
As I told you, I feel emptiness these days.
I am thinking of other joyful hobby beside of whiskey.
Alcohol and food doesn't make me feel better anymore.
What can make me feel happier?
Happiness is just an emotion that only lasts short time.
It depends on me and I know that.
One of our new manager resigned, and another staff told us that she wanted to resign.
These things make me more sad, because of my strong empathy.
Maybe I can play a computer game or watch dramas on Neflix.
Or, I can try to learn to play guitar.
But, I don't want to do anything at least for now.
Warm wind is stimulating my face.
Now I am enjoying it.
There is rarely patient, and I don't know why.
I think that Dr.MJ may be worring about it so much now.
However, I don't care.
Daily profit has no significant meaning, I am sure.
More important thing is the strong mind.
I need to recharge.
See you tomorrow.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello once again, Dr. Kim!

I had a great day as well this Monday. I thought of lying down the couch and catching some sleep since I was totally beat from yesterday's concert. Anyway, I am certain that your patients came flocking by in the afternoon. Perhaps Monday is also their busy day so, making appointments were secondary on their list.

I am not sure if being unhappy about food and whisky is that bad. I think that you can take advantage of this opportunity to cut down your weight as well as lower your sugar levels. There is this brighter side of unhappiness after all. However, too much dissatisfaction may lead to depression and you do not like that to happen. The secret is keeping the mind busy searching for things that will make us happy. Sometimes, we have human impulses that makes us do whatever we want. At times, when I feel empty, I walk and think. I sit somewhere as if no one knows me. I talk to ordinary people I meet along the way. Also, I donate all the lose coins or my money in my pocket to the blind or buy anything from the old vendors to make them happy. I believe that in simple ways, if I can make other people happy, it can make me feel fulfilled and happy too somehow. 

I know that deep within your heart, you know how you can make yourself free from emptiness. It is filling others with joy and it comes comes back to us in many folds.

Most of my grammar suggestions below are the use of the article 'a'. Read your composition again below and take note of them well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. By now, I hope that you can feel a lot better.

Have a great evening!

-T. Donna~

Hi, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

It's a greatest weather today.
>>  It's a great weather today.

There was no patient, so I imagined if I could go outside and drink.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

As I told you, I feel emptiness these days.
>> Correct!

I am thinking of other joyful hobby beside of whiskey.
>> I am thinking of other joyful hobbies beside whiskey.

Alcohol and food doesn't make me feel better anymore.
>> Alcohol and food don't make me feel better anymore.

What can make me feel happier?
>> Correct!

Happiness is just an emotion that only lasts short time.
>> Happiness is just an emotion that only lasts for a short time.

It depends on me and I know that.
>> Correct!

One of our new manager resigned, and another staff told us that she wanted to resign.
>> Correct!
Or: 
One of our new manager resigned, and another staff told us that she wanted to resign too.

These things make me more sad, because of my strong empathy.
>> Correct!

Maybe I can play a computer game or watch dramas on Neflix.
>> Correct!

Or, I can try to learn to play guitar.
>> Correct!

But, I don't want to do anything at least for now.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

Warm wind is stimulating my face.
>> Correct!

Now I am enjoying it.
>> Correct!

There is rarely patient, and I don't know why.
>> There is rarely a patient, and I don't know why.

I think that Dr.MJ may be worring about it so much now.
>> Correct!

However, I don't care.
>> Correct!

Daily profit has no significant meaning, I am sure.
>> Correct!

More important thing is the strong mind.
>> The more important thing is a strong mind.

I need to recharge.
>> Correct!

See you tomorrow.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124828 The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1684
124827 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 3
124826 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 679
124825 What is your favorite childhood memory? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 774
124824 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124823 Do you worry about your old age? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 706
124822 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 0
124821 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 649
124820 Future ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124819 How do you feel about South Korea becoming a super-aged society... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 617
124818 ESSAY: Nowadays both men and women spend much money on beauty... È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 594
124817 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1006
124816 What is your all-time favorite movie? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 585
124815 Why do people greet each other? ±è*½½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 556
124814 Will computers become smarter than humans one day? Is this a bad... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 585
124813 What is the right age to introduce gadgets to children? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 466
124812 123 ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 689
124811 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1072
124810 Volunteer ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124809 Should there be individual privacy for family members at home? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 709

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04