¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it¡¯s possible that one day, many people will live on Mars? If yes or no, please explain

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-04-26 307

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

"There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point" (Swami Vivekananda). Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there's only one thing that humans never do, step on god's toes. In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things. So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point. Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc. Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars. Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for writing this good essay, Su A! I remembered what you told me in one of our classes before, and I feel like this is one of those essays where you wish you could add more input if it wasn't for the alphabet limit.  You were able to persuade the readers by reminding them of the slow but steady decline of the Earth, and how the blame is mainly on mankind. This drives the notion that perhaps it is not as okay to live here someday than we thought. Great work! 
~T.Harmony <3

"There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point" (Swami Vivekananda). 
>> CORRECT! 
Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there's only one thing that humans never do, step on god's toes.
>> ...that they would have been able to succeed in. There's only one that that humans never do: step on God's toes. (We usually capitalize the first letter in "God", but it depends on one's beliefs. ^^)
In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things. 
>> CORRECT! 
So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR>> With that being said,...
Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc. 
>> CORRECT! 
Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars. 
>> ...another solution to preserve our generation...
Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years. 
>> CORRECT! 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126862 what is your drem job?/ what are your key skill? ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 1
126861 themed -cafes ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 90
126860 Do you prefer big cities or suburbs / countryside? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 1
126859 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 81
126858 The value of Education ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 893
126857 Lucky charms!! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 379
126856 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-24 1
126855 How would you embrace cultural diversity? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 204
126854 Best advice. Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126853 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 99
126852 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 2
126851 HOMEWORK Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 87
126850 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 3
126849 What animals do you want to see? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126848 What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling alone? õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1
126847 homework 03.23 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 87
126846 Define failure. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 0
126845 Is it easy for you to say goodbye to a close friend or relative,... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 3
126844 Happy ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 133
126843 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04