¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it¡¯s possible that one day, many people will live on Mars? If yes or no, please explain

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-04-26 332

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

"There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point" (Swami Vivekananda). Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there's only one thing that humans never do, step on god's toes. In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things. So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point. Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc. Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars. Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for writing this good essay, Su A! I remembered what you told me in one of our classes before, and I feel like this is one of those essays where you wish you could add more input if it wasn't for the alphabet limit.  You were able to persuade the readers by reminding them of the slow but steady decline of the Earth, and how the blame is mainly on mankind. This drives the notion that perhaps it is not as okay to live here someday than we thought. Great work! 
~T.Harmony <3

"There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point" (Swami Vivekananda). 
>> CORRECT! 
Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there's only one thing that humans never do, step on god's toes.
>> ...that they would have been able to succeed in. There's only one that that humans never do: step on God's toes. (We usually capitalize the first letter in "God", but it depends on one's beliefs. ^^)
In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things. 
>> CORRECT! 
So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR>> With that being said,...
Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc. 
>> CORRECT! 
Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars. 
>> ...another solution to preserve our generation...
Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years. 
>> CORRECT! 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129022 homework 06.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 564
129021 What is your favorite song and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 861
129020 The advantages and disadvantages of TV ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 714
129019 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 853
129018 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 719
129017 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 449
129016 Should people get limited access to the Internet? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1
129015 Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 356
129014 Writing Task 0619 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1
129013 Home work ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 471
129012 What kind of art do you like the most? Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 295
129011 When did you last say that you¡¯re sorry? ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 757
129010 What are the common gadgets used by children these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 942
129009 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 542
129008 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 1
129007 The best part of my day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 0
129006 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 0
129005 My favorite movie ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 496
129004 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 2
129003 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-22 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04